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A key word that you will see:

Fragmentation: a mental process where a person becomes intensely emotionally focused on one aspect of themselves, such as “I am angry” or “no one loves me,” to the point where all thoughts, feelings and behavior demonstrate this emotional state, in which, the person does not or is unable to take into account the reality of their environment, others or themselves and their resources. This is a term that my therapist and I use and is on the continuum of dissociation.

Saturday, June 14, 2008

Today's Anxiety ~ CSN concert!!

Before depression, whenever that was or maybe it is between depression (those little holes of light), normally I would be excited to day. I am going to see one of my favorite groups and one that is go see before they stop playing, die, or you wish they would stop playing because they don't sound good anymore. I am going to see Crosby, Stills and Nash (CSN). (I realize that many of you may not have heard of them.) I absolutely love them and the harmonies and have been to so many of their concerts that I lost count.

However, I have extremely bad allergies to fragrances and odors of any type. I've had five or six sinus surgeries and it has had a significant impact on my life where sometimes I have to leave just because of a fragrance someone is wearing or a hair product. Yes, it tends to isolate me more, but I have always been sensitive. It has been better since I stopped working. So, I always become anxious if I am going to have to battle that. At least it is an outdoor, theatre. I know that some of my allergies are because of the abuse...they became triggers.

The biggest anxiety is because (don't laugh, okay go ahead), I have severe reactions to marijuna. Now, marijuana and CSN concert are almost synonymous. As soon as the lights go off and the concert begins, it engulfs the venue. Well, it makes me nauseated to the point that sometimes well, I've...I'll spare you the details. I have figured out that it is a trigger as at my step-father's house there was incense and marijuana odors while being abused. I'm feeling especially vulnerable right now as this has been a really tough week and I am not doing so well. However, I'm pretty sure that I will have a good time, even though, I don't want to go now. It is a PRN day!!! Oh, and because of the time of when we get out of the concert I have to delay taking my medications...gained too much weight for my husband to assist me if I'm medicated. *SIGH* That is a whole other issue.


Unknown said...

Hope you have a good time anyway, what a great concert to go to..take care.Mary

Mike Golch said...

Hi,I saw your comment on Tracy's blog spirtitual journey.
I decided to come and visit you here. we are a like in some ways.I have battled depression,been susicidal,I am bipolar,I also suffer from PTSD.
Now that you know a little about me.I plan to be a visitor to get to know you better as I do with all my blogging friends.For I believe that I have friends that I never have meet,until proven otherwise.That's my story,and I'm sticking to it,.

Anonymous said...

I may be younger but I do at least know who that band is and I know that they, like the Grateful Dead go hand in hand with very strong oils and pot. Why on earth those people can't just wear perfume and leave the oils alone is beyond me.
I hope you have a good time. I for one have never been to a concert before in my entire life. I mean, I've been to the symphony and to theater productions but I've never been to a rock music concert. I don't EVER plan to go. Way too many people for me. Today was the Pride Fest here in Indy as well as Juneteenth and the Jazz Fest. I didn't go to any of them...wayyyyy tooooo many people.

Have fun.

Anonymous said...

*hugs and hugs for a long time*

Hey lady, just dropped by to see how you're doing... I hope the concert is a pleasantly surprising fun time!!!

Tracy said...

I hope you had a good time at the concert, and did not suffer to many reactions to the smells.

Hope you have a wonderful weekend.

Clueless said...

I had a good time with the exception if getting my fingers smashed between the fold down seat and the arm, just a little bruised...I'll live, but typing it is difficult. Thanks for all the well wishes. Pot was either extremely intense for short durations and I got little panicked with the crowd. Lots of PRNs and a suggestion from my T helped. We purchased some coffee and I smelled that when the other odors were too much. Also, had another side effect of calming me some. One disappointment, but understandable, Stills did not participte as much...he is still undergoing, I think, or at least recovering from prostate cancer...But, for a 40 year old band they were great. I'm a bit hung over...took meds at 12:30 am instead of 9 pm...body confused.

Clueless said...

@Mike. Thanks for visiting. I checked out your profile and such. Wow! Your music tastes and mine are quite compatible...I love it. It also sounds like we have other things in common...isn't it nice not to feel so alone.

@Austin. I agree. But, usually we go to smaller venues. The Greek is the only larger venue that I will try to tackle...it takes a lot of pre planning and I will probably sleep a lot today. There are probably less than five people that I would do this for. I'm a huge music fan, so we figured out some adjustments. However, I did faint at one concert due to the pot and oils...not fun and rather embarrassing. It should teach the young kid who we told that I wasn't feeling well to listen to the older folk...he insisted that we move and I promptly fainted once I stood up.

j said...

Catching up with my blogs -- I'm glad you were able to go to the concert w/out too many bad effects. Live music is a wonderful thing and they're a great band.

Unknown said...

HI. I know what you mean about meds Ifeel for ya Im in the same boat keep ya head up....

Tory said...

Oh, I sooo understand about the sensitivity to odors!! Just about everything gives my an instant sinus infection, and going out among people can be hell. Especially the smell of marijuana, it kills my sinuses.
But go and try to have a good time. I really hope you do.
Take care

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