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Thank you for visiting. Content MAY BE TRIGGERING ESPECIALLY FOR THOSE WHO HAVE EXPERIENCED ABUSE, STRUGGLE WITH SELF-INJURY, SUICIDE, DEPRESSION OR AN EATING DISORDER. Contains graphic descriptions of suicidal thoughts, self-injury and emotional, physical and sexual abuse. Do not read further if you are not in a safe place. If you are triggered, please reach out to your support system, a mental health professional or call 911.

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Disclaimer: Although I have worked with persons with mental illness for twenty years, I do not have a Master's Degree or a license. This is not meant to be a substitute for mental health care or treatment. Please obtain professional assistance from the resources listed on the right of the page, if needed. And call 911 if you or someone is in immediate danger.

A key word that you will see:

Fragmentation: a mental process where a person becomes intensely emotionally focused on one aspect of themselves, such as “I am angry” or “no one loves me,” to the point where all thoughts, feelings and behavior demonstrate this emotional state, in which, the person does not or is unable to take into account the reality of their environment, others or themselves and their resources. This is a term that my therapist and I use and is on the continuum of dissociation.

Friday, June 20, 2008

Abuse & Self Injury Awareness

Warning this video contains self-injury images that may be triggering. If you are having urges, do not watch. Please take care of yourself and be safe.
My journal entries have been about my addiction to self injury and being out of control despite being in therapy five days per week. So, I thought this would be a good time to provide some information regarding the behavior and that next week I am revealing details of which I feel really ashamed. However, I am now feeling safe enough to post this now.

7 comments:

Tamara said...

Clueless,

Thank you for the video. I never understood self-injury until I was in the hospital with a girl who used it to deal with some of her pain. It broke my heart for her.

I am really sorry that you are having such a struggle with it yourself. I wish you weren't in so much pain.

You are in my thoughts. I am praying for the day all of this gets easier for you.

Kahless said...

You are not alone Clueless.
I understand.

svasti said...

Powerful stuff.
I have never self-harmed but I do understand the urge. Several years ago, I hit possibly the worst rock bottom of my life. It was after a nasty relationship break up and I couldn't stop crying. I couldn't stop the pain.
If I'd had suicidal/self-harm tenedencies, then that would have been the night. I saw that very clearly for myself. I thought about those things in all seriousness. I knew then, it wasn't the way for me. But I can see how the thought patterns lead that way.

Tracy said...

Hi Clueless, I have been catching up on your blog. Normally i use bloglines, and for some reason your blog came up with no posts for days. Today a whole lot showed up at once! I am sorry to hear that you are having such a hard time. PTS does tend to do that at moments, especially if you are working hard at healing through therapy. I totally get it. You will get to blogs, and you will comment when you are able. No worries. Just get well, and know you are in my thoughts and prayers.

Patches said...

We cannot watch the video due to our own issues with Si, however we applaud you talking about it. It is so difficult to talk about and share about, such a shameful issue (for us anyways).

Clueless said...

@tamara. Thanks. It does get easier. I really wanted to post this video to educate people including those who self-injure. I'm glad that you never got started on this because it is sooooooooo addicting.

@kahless. Thank you!!

@savasti. I'm glad that you don't. It is a horrible way to cope with emotions because there is so much shame involved and for me the thoughts are always there.

@tracy. Thank you.

@patches. I'm glad that you took care of yourself. I have not been able to look at it at all today.

P.J. said...

The beginning of the video stated that "many victims of sexual abuse will turn to self-injury". I was sexually abused, and I guess I did turn to self-injury - food was my choice. I went through eating all the time, whatever I wanted, I've been close to anorexic (and would have been if I didn't love food so much). I let myself stay in unhealthy relationships, in which I just ended up getting hurt. I know that is not the type that is talked about in the video, but in doing the things I mentioned above, I was hoping to remove the pain that was inside.

I have not fully overcome this. I still either overeat or starve most of the time, and I'm stuck in a unhealthy/abusive marriage.

I wish I could figure out why I continue to let the guy that sexually abused me take so much of who I am and cause me such irrational thoughts.

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