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A key word that you will see:

Fragmentation: a mental process where a person becomes intensely emotionally focused on one aspect of themselves, such as “I am angry” or “no one loves me,” to the point where all thoughts, feelings and behavior demonstrate this emotional state, in which, the person does not or is unable to take into account the reality of their environment, others or themselves and their resources. This is a term that my therapist and I use and is on the continuum of dissociation.

Sunday, June 1, 2008

"Mourning into Dancing" ~ Let Me Worship In Song!!

This song came out in the 1990's which was during my first 12 years of therapy. At the time, I was attending the church of the person who wrote this song, but even though it was such a joyous song all I could do was cry because it was just so painful to me.

After struggling in my healing via the church ministries and psychotherapy, one day this song began and I braced myself for painful tears, but instead of painful tears I cried tears of joy. What I felt like God had put into my heart was that He had already done that in some areas (turned my mourning into dancing) even if I didn't feel it and it was His promise to me that I would feel the joy the song speaks about.

Well, after many years, the song became a joyous one that I would sing as an expression of thankfulness for God's faithfulness to me or claiming its promise. Now, during this major depressive episode, I haven't been able to listen to music which I used to do all the time. But, I was introduced to YouTube, as you can tell from my last two entries, and found this among the treasures. It made me cry and long for a day when I would no longer hurt this badly.

However, it is also a reminder that I will one day sing this song again at my church with thankfulness. It gave me hope. See, I also have not been able to attend church due to my symptoms. I long to go back, but know I am not ready and that God knows. But, previously I'd gone faithfully for more than 23 years and not at all for the past five. (No counting, I'm not hiding my age!!!) I hope that you read the words and/or listen to the words and this song encourages you too. (Sung by the Christian Gospel Temple from where I don't know I couldn't find any other credits.)

This song was inspired by "You have turned my mourning into joyful dancing. You have taken away my clothes of mourning and clothed me with joy, that I might sing praises to you and not be silent. O Lord my God, I will give you thanks forever." (Psalm 30:11-12, NLT)

11 comments:

MYSTI said...

Wonderful song. Yes it does make one want to dance, dance with joy that darkness is lifted and lightness has come in.

It is interesting how pain from ones past, can hurt so much that one actually stops from going to church. I to understand how that happens. I myself stopped going to church for about 6 years myself. I also knew God understood, he knew where i was , and that i also knew he was with me holding me through those moments of needing to heal.

hugs and blessings

Clueless said...

Mysti-

Thank you for sharing. It helps. I too do not feel guilty, rather, understood and comforted by God. Intimacy is difficult during this time, and that includes intimacy with God because that too is a relationship.

All of us said...

I know that song very well. Our church sings it too and when I sing it, I feel joyous, but the pain always returns...working on that, though. Do you go to Christian therapy? I just started it after a nightmare experience last year that landed us in the hospital 8 times and overdosing twice. :o(

Thank you for visiitng our blog too.

Kathryn

Clueless said...

Oh, sounds like a rough year with 8 hospitalizations. I feel really blessed having my therapist. He is a Christian, teaches at a Seminary and during my two hospitalizations was my individual therapist...he came to see me at the hospital for our sessions. I am blessed. I hope things are working out with yours.

Thank you so much for visiting. I am adding you to my "blogroll" if that is okay. I can always take it down.

All of us said...

That's fine. Thank you. I don't think I have a blogroll, but I'll see about making one.

That's great about your therapist. I like the one I'm seeing now a lot. She has helped and has experience with people with DID too.

Clueless said...

That relationship makes all the difference in the world. I'm glad for you and that we were able to meet. I'll be visiting you too.

Labyrinth said...

I just found your blog through another one. I remember this song! THanks for the link; I really appreciate it.

John G. Elliot also has a song he wrote about mourning into dancing. It's a fabulous song, and I bought the whole CD just to get it. Then found out the whole CD is fabulous.

Thanks for the link. I look forward to reading more of your blog.

April_optimist said...

Great song. We have one at my church that I love that includes the chorus of:

Come on in, welcome home,
You are loved,you belong here now, No matter where you've been,
Come on in, come on in, come on in.

First verse is:

Standing outside the door of love and mercy,
YOu wonder if there's a place there for you,
You know there's peace inside but still you're searchin'
For someone who understands the pain you've been through.
Well the Father waits with open arms.
He's calling out your name.

Love the blog! Music can be so powerful. It touches us, I think in ways we don't expect.

Jena said...

Stumbled across your blog thru PJ's ... lots in common ;)
I look forward to getting to know you. Nice to 'meet' you! PS- thanks for sharing the video!

Clueless said...

Jena, thanks for visiting. I did not expect to receive so many comments on this video. It feels good. I'm glad you liked it. Come back and visit me. I briefly went to visit you then I realized it was bedtime. *YAWN* Time for my three hours or hopefully more.

jeff said...

thank you

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