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Thank you for visiting. Content MAY BE TRIGGERING ESPECIALLY FOR THOSE WHO HAVE EXPERIENCED ABUSE, STRUGGLE WITH SELF-INJURY, SUICIDE, DEPRESSION OR AN EATING DISORDER. Contains graphic descriptions of suicidal thoughts, self-injury and emotional, physical and sexual abuse. Do not read further if you are not in a safe place. If you are triggered, please reach out to your support system, a mental health professional or call 911.

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Disclaimer: Although I have worked with persons with mental illness for twenty years, I do not have a Master's Degree or a license. This is not meant to be a substitute for mental health care or treatment. Please obtain professional assistance from the resources listed on the right of the page, if needed. And call 911 if you or someone is in immediate danger.

A key word that you will see:

Fragmentation: a mental process where a person becomes intensely emotionally focused on one aspect of themselves, such as “I am angry” or “no one loves me,” to the point where all thoughts, feelings and behavior demonstrate this emotional state, in which, the person does not or is unable to take into account the reality of their environment, others or themselves and their resources. This is a term that my therapist and I use and is on the continuum of dissociation.

Sunday, June 29, 2008

Flashbacks & Homicidal Rage!!

This is a tough weekend with flashbacks and nightmares. Besides some of the experiences with the cult, I am also remembering intense emotional feelings and physical sensations of some of the things that my step-father did along with homicidal rage.
TRIGGERING AND VERY GRAPHIC...DO NOT LOOK AT IF NOT SAFE!!!!







To see full size image or to make a Wordle of your own click the picture.


9 comments:

Mary said...

CC:: biggg hugggg for you...I so know what you are going through,My heart goes out to you...I know the pain of flashbacks, they haunt me everyday also. Try and get through the day, and try and keep busy, hopefully it wont be so bad tomorrow..take care..Mary

mini UK said...

hi, I don't know what to say, but didn't want to say nothing! Take care of you, you are on such a brave journey & thank you for introducing me to wordle I love wordle!

Clueless said...

Thank you Mary. I see my therapist tomorrow and the Wordle helped. I hate the flashbacks...do they ever stop?

@mini uk. Thank you. Warning Wordle reportedly can be moderately addicting.

jumpinginpuddles said...

i find it interesting that they have hurt you so badly and brainwashed you to their thinking, words liek im evil, its my fault are not your words they are words they used to tell you to shut up, one day i hope you wil llearn you dont ahve to won those words for they are for the ones who abused you.

colouredmind said...

Ahhhh a wordle, I am very addicted to these. Yours shows some really difficult words and I am sure connected to them even harder memories. Goodluck, Hannah X

Clueless said...

@JIP Yes, the things on that are things that happened, my fantasies and what was told to me.

@thank you Hannah. This is a difficult time and difficult issue to deal with.

Tamara said...

clueless,

I am so sorry for your pain. Glad you see your therapist tomorrow and that Wordle is such an amazing tool for you. Sending you lots of love and support.

Tamara

Shiv said...

*huggles*

Take care of yourself hun, you are facing some very painful things here. You're certainly braver than I would be, I'm proud of you :)
~Shiv

Clueless said...

Thank you Shiv. Remember, my courage has taken 17 years of consistent therapy to develop, but I am proud too that I've been able to do what I have been doing. It feels good to hear that you are proud. Yes, I am trying to take care of myself. This stuff is excruciating.

This week is a very light hearted week on my blog.

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