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Thank you for visiting. Content MAY BE TRIGGERING ESPECIALLY FOR THOSE WHO HAVE EXPERIENCED ABUSE, STRUGGLE WITH SELF-INJURY, SUICIDE, DEPRESSION OR AN EATING DISORDER. Contains graphic descriptions of suicidal thoughts, self-injury and emotional, physical and sexual abuse. Do not read further if you are not in a safe place. If you are triggered, please reach out to your support system, a mental health professional or call 911.

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A key word that you will see:

Fragmentation: a mental process where a person becomes intensely emotionally focused on one aspect of themselves, such as “I am angry” or “no one loves me,” to the point where all thoughts, feelings and behavior demonstrate this emotional state, in which, the person does not or is unable to take into account the reality of their environment, others or themselves and their resources. This is a term that my therapist and I use and is on the continuum of dissociation.

Thursday, May 29, 2008

Tagged Again!! This one is fun!!

The fabulous Catatonic Kid tagged me with this one which I actually like because you get to know something about someone else. But, then the problems is "how do I answer?" Pressure like there is a right or wrong answer...NOT!!

1) what was the best moment of your life? Exchanging wedding vows in front of a few friends and family (240). That was such an intense moment and in the wedding pictures there is a close up of me listening to my husband.

2) if you could pick a superpower what would it be? This is a tough one because I have difficulty thinking of a superpower, so I'll just say that I like CK's answer of invisibility. I like it because I sometimes feel like I need to be invisible. The other reason is to freak people out by moving things or saying something.

3) if there was one thing that you could do, with no limits of any kind what, would it be? Have enough money to earn my doctorate in clinical psychology and provide free to low cost long-term care for those who need it and have the funding to have a clinic for this type of service plus a fantastic hospital program and to provide the same type of service and training for my church including outreach to homeless and other needs in the community (i.e. nursing homes, board and care, outpatient programs etc...)

4) what’s the weirdest dream you’ve ever had? My husband is the one with the weird dreams, but I can't tell his stuff. All I can really remember is having nightmares and flashback dreams. Not so weird as disturbing waking up screaming or unable to do so.

5) what is the weirdest thing about you? I don't know if I would call it weird, but one thing that surprises people (Sorry, Bradley) is that I can be very intense and serious and extremely silly, playful and humorous. (You know that my spelling is getting really messed up because a lot of people I correspond with on the Internet are from UK, Australia and Canada...now, I don't know how to spell at least I don't have to deal with pronunciation.

6) what’s your favorite self made philosophy? My philosophy, but from God, "...love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul and all your mind...love your neighbor as yourself." (Matthew 22:37-39, NLT)

7) what question has been the most annoying unanswered question of your life? I don't know about annoying, but I have many questions to ask God. One is why do men sexually peak in their teens and 20's and women in their 40's. Okay, that is a silly one, but one I'd still like to know. The most bothersome one is "why does he allow people to do such horrendous things to each other?" Theologically and cognitively I understand, but I will never truly understand this...but, I'm not God...I'm not Dog either which is what I first wrote.

8 ) Why do you blog? As a form of therapy and to really tell the truth of my life and have someone listen. It is a place that I can be completely myself, faults and all (thanks Shiv). A place where I can express myself, receive and give support, encouragement and validation.

I’m tagging the entertaining Bradley and my new friend Ashe.Selah. I sure hope this means she stays my friend.

8 comments:

austin said...

The best moment of my life was Feb 2nd, 1992 when I took my freedom and walked out of my mother's house.

Too funny about the super power...freak people out by moving stuff around.... too funny.

We sooo very much need long term care not dictated by greedy insurance companies. (sigh)

I wake up laughing sometimes in my dreams. Those I enjoy, but like you most of mine are nightmare flashbacks. And like you, my spelling reflects a certain UK tone.

One is why do men sexually peek in their teens and 20's and women in their 40's.
the answer is clearly that men stop growing emotionally and mentally after awhile. At age 20 that's it for them, it's over, no more growth. We as women continue to grow, become powerful and transcend all. LOL. Men have to get started early cause they only have so long before it's all over for them.

We blog for the same reasons.

Austin

Clueless said...

LOL!!! I love your comment about the men peeking!! Thanks for the laugh!!

catatonickid said...

Wow, CC - that's incredibly brave of you to put up those changes to your side-bar. I admire your honesty and your capacity to face the world and even trust it to such a degree.

You're a remarkable person, and your words are really touching. I'm sure your breaking the silence so openly will help others to do the same in time. Your voice counts because you make it count, and that's a huge achievement.

Clueless said...

Thanks CK,

Now I'm scared. I feel like something bad is going to happen and that no one will read my blog anymore. Can I take it down now...I don't really mean that I would. It is just really tempting.

Jennifer said...

Fun to read, too.

I agree with catatonic kid -- it was a courageous move to put your story on the front page of the blog. It won't keep anyone from reading, but will increase the circle of empathy. And for those who have gone through similar things, putting your experiences out there will help them feel less alone.

Bradley said...

LOL. I chose invisibility on mine but only because I'm nosy and I'd like to see what everyone else is doing. That and some naughty things I'd like to see...but I didn't say that. I love that you said you'd move things or make noises. That's so much more fun.

I like you better every day.

Bradley said...

I should have added before hitting enter. Regarding your honesty on your sidebar. I think it's a wonderful thing. It's a personal decision, but one I think must be made for yourself.

If you feel better for it then do it and to hell with those who it may turn away. On the other hand, to me it makes you much more attractive and I'm sure to many others as well.

OK. It's all true what I said, but that's as sappy as it gets. :-)

Clueless said...

@jennifer. Thanks. I am not thinking straight about this. All sorts of insecurities and bad thoughts in my head. It just makes it more real and a part of me doesn't want it to be real. Feels scary and bad. Thank you for encouraging me and for the support.

@bradley. You didn't say what...but, if I can get money out of it I read it. I am liking you more as I get to know you too.

Thanks for the sap. I really appreciate it.

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