Now, that I've shared what I wrote above, even though it was three years ago. I still have much shame in sharing this. I'm feeling almost the way I describe above...the shame is almost overwhelming. Feels like everyone is going to leave me alone now. The only person that really knows the extent of it is Geoffrey. Now, I want to disappear because I feel bad and that everyone is going to think I'm weird even though cognitively I know better and know that I was out of control and needed help. My thinking is still all upside down. This is a case of being clinically clueless, but I'm not clueless. Yet, I don't have enough in me to not turn everything upside down and feel like withdrawing from everyone. Yet, I am proud that I was able to put it out there. I feel sick to my stomach...maybe, I won't post this.
I can't seem to apply it to myself even though I've worked with others with this issue...I could just delete the whole blog and pretend like I never existed (BPD thinking ~ all or nothing). If you read this, please provide some feedback or my thinking will become more and more distorted. Not that it is your responsibility, but it would be helpful. Thank you.