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Fragmentation: a mental process where a person becomes intensely emotionally focused on one aspect of themselves, such as “I am angry” or “no one loves me,” to the point where all thoughts, feelings and behavior demonstrate this emotional state, in which, the person does not or is unable to take into account the reality of their environment, others or themselves and their resources. This is a term that my therapist and I use and is on the continuum of dissociation.

Thursday, December 18, 2008

Merry Christmas to a Memory!!!

I hope you can see the picture of this pencil cup which says, "grandpa" on the lower part. I saw this in June and thought about really wanting to purchase it for my grandpa and keeping it. He passed away in 2002.

It is made by one of my favorite ceramic artists,
Beth Mueller. Her art is delightful and her ceramics are wonderful. Anyway, I thought it a silly idea to purchase a present for someone who has since passed on, but every time I saw the cup it made me smile. I have wonderful memories of fishing with him and my uncle.

Well, Beth's stuff is limited edition and it went on sale recently. So, I purchased it for Grandpa for Christmas. I have it right by my computer holding things for me until I need them. I see the mug all the time and I hold it with gentle care, embracing the feel and form of a sturdy, functional, whimsical, comforting mug. It makes me smile and feel warm inside every time I see it. Again, Merry Christmas, Grandpa. I hear you going "ho, ho, ho" in my head.

I really miss you and am so thankful for your presence in my life for without you I would not have had any experience of a good attachment and would not be here to welcome everyone else a Merry Christmas. One which is probably one filled with a mixture of feelings. I pray that you can find joy, comfort and hope in one of them. I'm glad I did, but it doesn't make the others go away. Both can coexist. And, I can purchase a gift for a precious person that is no longer physically present.

"Memory is a way of holding onto the things you love, the things you are, the things you never want to lose." ~ The Wonder Years

11 comments:

Border Life said...

((CC)), I have tears spilling from my eyes. Thank you for this. I hope you have a very Merry Christmas.

I'm so glad he brought joy and love to your life. What a great reminder of such happy times

This touched me in a way...I know it's something I will never forget. <3 BL

svasti said...

All I can think to say is... thank god for your grandfather!!

Da Old Man said...

That is such a beautiful sentiment. Thank you for sharing that thought.

Merry Christmas

Immi said...

I think it's wonderful, CC! Your Grandpa would have wanted you to do something that makes you smile and feel warm inside every time you see it. So it's perfect!

Jo Ann said...

Happy Holidays to you, and to your Grandfather, too. I see nothing wrong with buying something "for" him, but you holding on to it for comfort. My mother is terminal, and we have passed many objects back and forth (scarves, pyjamas, her ipod) just because it feels good to have something to hold when you think of a loved one. Hugs. Best wishes, and thanks for the blog.

Clueless said...

@BL. Thank you.

@Svasti. Yes, he is the reason that I married well.

@Da Old Man. Thank you!

@Immi. Yes, but he never would have been direct in letting me know. :-))

@JoAnn. I am sorry about your mother. My grandpa had a lot of health problems including two types of cancer. Those momentos become treasures. I have the last Christmas gift I gave him...it is like snuggling up in his arms because it is a polar tec type jacket. Take care this holiday. And warm loving wishes to you and your family.

Clueless said...

@BL. Thank you.

@Svasti. Yes, he is the reason that I married well.

@Da Old Man. Thank you!

@Immi. Yes, but he never would have been direct in letting me know. :-))

@JoAnn. I am sorry about your mother. My grandpa had a lot of health problems including two types of cancer. Those momentos become treasures. I have the last Christmas gift I gave him...it is like snuggling up in his arms because it is a polar tec type jacket. Take care this holiday. And warm loving wishes to you and your family.

Catatonic Kid said...

I *love* that idea. I never would have thought to do something like that but I can't imagine a better way to respect your memory of the man you loved. Beautiful idea. We can all only hope that someone, sometime loves us so much.

Clueless said...

CK

Yes, this just sort of happened and after I did it, it was so healing. I too hope that everyone can experience someone who loves us that much.

CC

Miss Ash said...

You are SO sweet! I love that you did this!!

Clueless said...

@Ash. Thank you! :-)

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