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Disclaimer: Although I have worked with persons with mental illness for twenty years, I do not have a Master's Degree or a license. This is not meant to be a substitute for mental health care or treatment. Please obtain professional assistance from the resources listed on the right of the page, if needed. And call 911 if you or someone is in immediate danger.

A key word that you will see:

Fragmentation: a mental process where a person becomes intensely emotionally focused on one aspect of themselves, such as “I am angry” or “no one loves me,” to the point where all thoughts, feelings and behavior demonstrate this emotional state, in which, the person does not or is unable to take into account the reality of their environment, others or themselves and their resources. This is a term that my therapist and I use and is on the continuum of dissociation.

Monday, December 15, 2008

Perturbed before 5 am on a Monday...not happy!!!

I woke up to two things that made me think today (as opposed to other days, when I don't think?) Yes, I only think on...Yikes!! No one told me it was Monday morning. That is definitely a non-thinking morning!

Anyway, where was I? Oh yes...the page my Internet opens to MSN, so that I can see a little of everything and news. Well, one headline caught my attention. It said, "Does Unemployment Benefits Encourage Laziness?". The article was actually very good and fair and raised some good points. But, what they used as a teaser perturbed me.

Then, I'm making my early rounds of blogs and I find that my joking response to a question about having a large sum of money being attacked. Some background, this person usually is abrasive and we have butted heads when it comes to many issues one of which is mental illness. I'm not being singled out when it comes to his abrasiveness. And, he has been open minded with much effort in the past.

My comment was, "I could never work again…wait, I may be headed that way!! :-)." His comment, "Never work again? What and live off the back of all those honest hard working tax-paying citizens all around you? It is you who should be sent to jail CC, for intentionally taking advantage of your fellow countrymen and abusing your nation’s heavily burdened social security funds. It’s akin to theft from the common man."

My response back was, "...you start off by insulting me when I was making a joke. First of all I have an illness that prevents me from working. Additionally, I do not qualify for any benefits at this time, so we are strictly a one house income. I do plan to work or go back to school once I am able to do so. Just because you can’t see my illness, doesn’t mean it isn’t as debilitating as cancer, stroke or heart disease."

First of all, I am just perturbed because of the ignorance and judgemental attitudes toward mental illness. I judge myself because I want to work and have an extremely difficult time not doing so. I never, in my life, thought I'd be in such a position. But, I also know that I cannot handle the stress of even volunteering. Depression and PTSD have real symptoms that are debilitating and therapy to get through this is exhausting.

On the one blog that I mentioned, my mission is to try to reach as many people that I can to breakdown the stigma of mental illness. I know that I won't reach all, but if I can reach some to have just a little more understanding and compassion for those with mental illness and illnesses that can't be seen then I will feel accomplished in this area.

10 comments:

Anonymous Drifter said...

That person's ignorance really pisses me off!

Jackal said...

sigh

Melinda said...

Hi CC,

I think I know the person you are referring to--and honestly, when I keep butting heads with the same person, I usually stop responding to them. I have found that some people just love to get a rise out of you--and honestly? It's not worth the energy so they can get their psychic vampire fix of sucking out all my energy!

Take care,

Melinda

Vague said...

yeah...

svasti said...

CC, I think you're brave for continuing to hang it all out there in the wind, knowing that on that particular site, there are people who are bound to be negative and critical...

Clueless said...

@Drifter. I didn't get pissed this time, just perturbed...mildly angry and somewhat amused.

@Jackal. Exactly

@Melinda. I am picking and choosing who and which comments to reply to...some are funny to me now and some are such a waste of space and time and energy!!!

@Vague. uh, huh!

@Svasti. I think, I have my bearings now and for future reference...I will not leave my therapist out of the loop thinking I can handle it until I see him.

jeff said...

I am forever moved by your courage and your journey CC. In one very major way, coming upon your blog and one others at the end of the summer when I was leaving CA to return to Maine, it changed my life and my direction. I was about to delete my blog. Knowing I was a phony. Your life has caused me to do everything possible to seek a clear and truthful mind, ending an almost 30 year addiction to fully understand the truth of God. You may never fully know in this life how who you are is changing others lives. I know this sounds over the top, but I am being as sincere as I know how. You are so in my prayers. Keep on CC. Keep on. And screw the a__hole's that don't have anything else to do but hurt others to avoid looking squarely at their own truth.

jeff said...

I'm a bit unsettled by my calling the ignorant a--holes in above comment. Although many may be, I think it is better to enlighten people without name calling. Humility and recognition that much of my ignorance goes unnoticed by me makes me clarify. It was a knee jerk reaction to an attack on you by that guy. The rest of my statement stands though. Blessings, love, healing and moving forward to you my courageous friend.

Sha-Sha said...

I long for the day when mental illness carries no stigma at all, when people understand it and realize it's not a choice or a weakness... I don't know whether that day will ever come, though, and that is discouraging and maddening.

Clueless said...

@Jeff. I am a bit choked up. I don't really know what to say, but I know that I am really touched by your comment. I am glad that my blog can touch others. That is encouraging to me. Thank you.

@Sha-sha. Yes, and I plan to help in whatever way that I am led and for now it is through my blogging. It has made some changes. If it causes one person to think, it is worth it.

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