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A key word that you will see:

Fragmentation: a mental process where a person becomes intensely emotionally focused on one aspect of themselves, such as “I am angry” or “no one loves me,” to the point where all thoughts, feelings and behavior demonstrate this emotional state, in which, the person does not or is unable to take into account the reality of their environment, others or themselves and their resources. This is a term that my therapist and I use and is on the continuum of dissociation.

Friday, December 19, 2008

A Christmas Conversation!!

When I didn't stay overnight at my Grandparents on Christmas Eve and when I got older, I'd receive a morning call on Christmas Day from my Grandpa that would go something similar to this:

Ring, Ring

CC: Hello?

G: Ho, Ho, Ho!!! Merry Christmas !!!

CC: Hi, Grandpa!

G: This is Santa! Ho, Ho, Ho!!!

CC: No it isn't!

G: (laughing)...What are you doing?

CC: Talking to you. (somethings never change...I'm just a wee bit sarcastic)

G: What time you coming over? There are presents from Santa here for you!

CC: (I'd give him some time.)

The conversation would continue usually him telling me about some of his presents, other stuff that wasn't important other than we were talking and with the sound of expectation and excitement in his voice of looking forward for the whole family getting together.

(I'll eat a piece of apple pie in your honor on Christmas...if it isn't available, I'll buy one for us!! Yes, I will heat it for you and top it with only vanilla ice cream.) This was his favorite dessert!!! Had to be the double crust, no new types of stuff. Simple apple pie.

At the time, I never realized how special that ritual of our Christmas Day telephone conversation would become to me. It really is the little things that we don't think about that become so important when they are gone. I hear him singing along again...

Frank Sinatra, "Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas!

Beginning tomorrow, I will not be posting until after Christmas. However, I do have specially selected Christmas songs. I do hope that you will take a listen as most are not standard and may put a different spin on the Holidays. (I will be reading other blogs and cruising the blogsphere.)

Happy Holidays to all my readers!!! (I will be praying for those including myself for I know this season is a difficult time.) May your time be filled with love, and lots of moments of joy!!


Immi said...

Sending big Christmas hugs your way CC. I hope you have a good holiday with the pie :)

Border Life said...

Merry, Merry Christmas!!! May love and joy come to you! My sister makes apple pie every Christmas, I'll be honoring you and your Grandpa when I enjoy it! <3 BL

Clueless said...

@Immi. I'm sending big Christmas hugs back. I'm having two pieces of pie apple which is not my favorite and another that is preferable!!!

I can't tell you how much your support, encouragement and insight has meant to me, but I sure wish I could give you that big hug in person.

However, in your physical state and my accident proneness, we would both end up on the floor laughing because we injured ourselves!! :-))

kw said...


That was a lovely story about your Grandpa. Treasure it.

It's funny, too, because I've been thinking about the little things that drive us crazy about our loved ones.

I'm not talking mind bending torture. Just the silly stuff, like a friend eating with their mouth open, a room mate who leaves the dish sponge soaking in the sink, a neighbour who bears grudges too quickly.

All these are important reminders. Because if some one close to us annoys us with the minutiae of life, then we are that much richer.

It is a sign that we value their time, input and opinion. It is a hint of the things that we may miss most when they are gone.

Gather the experience and share the joy.

Anonymous said...

Dear CC, wishing you a wonderful Christmas. I hope these memories of your grandfather that you've so generously been sharing here... carry you through to Boxing Day!

One of the great things about this year was definitely starting my blog. Its been so helpful to write all this 'stuff', but more than that, I've 'met' so many wonderful people - you are definitely a part of that.

Take care til we hear from you again! xo

Clueless said...

@BL. Merry Chistmas!! Thank you for your support, encouragement and friendship...I really appreciate you. You've been such a blessing to me. Have a great Christmas.

@Dano. Thank you. You've have wise words as usual. Have a great holiday!!

April_optimist said...

I'm so glad you have those memories and so sorry your grandpa is gone.

Rising Rainbow said...

Sounds like you grandpa was very special to you. You were lucky to have him....even if the time wasn't long enough.

Clueless said...

@April. Thank you.

@Rising Rainbow. Yes, I think he literally saved my life. I would have never been enough time with him. It always would have been...just if, we could... To be able to love someone like that is a painful treasure to hold like a fine jewel.

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