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A key word that you will see:

Fragmentation: a mental process where a person becomes intensely emotionally focused on one aspect of themselves, such as “I am angry” or “no one loves me,” to the point where all thoughts, feelings and behavior demonstrate this emotional state, in which, the person does not or is unable to take into account the reality of their environment, others or themselves and their resources. This is a term that my therapist and I use and is on the continuum of dissociation.

Tuesday, August 19, 2008

I Forgot To Write a Post & Slept Like a "Normal" Person

Good Morning (at least for me)!!!! I like to post on a daily basis and usually write them in advance, so it posts at 12:01 am. However, I forgot last night and went to bed figuring I usually wake up early, so I'll write it then. Well, I slept like a "normal" person. I went to sleep about 10:30 pm and woke up at 5:45 am while my husband was getting ready for work.
I thought, I was awake and turned on the computer and began to do stuff. However, when my husband came to give me coffee. I was sleeping with in front of the computer, so I went back to bed and got up around 7:30 am. So, change of plans. I'm writing a different post than expected.

The slideshow really took a lot out of me emotionally and somewhere along the way I disconnected my feelings from the content, so I was really numb yesterday when I went to therapy. However, my "wonderful" therapist "helped" me to reconnect to myself those feelings about what happened. I know it is helpful and what I'm supposed to do, but I feel like an angry little kid going, "It isn't fair. I don't want to do this." It does feel good to be present to myself, but it also is quite painful which is just sucky!!

The slideshows and Wordles are quite therapeutic. I was telling my therapist that I wish the current one could have been longer, but I'm limited to 100 pictures. I had over 200 to sort through and omit to 100. (I just realized that I could do it in Picasa.) Yesterday, I decided to start another blog that is sort of another page to this one. It will only have fingerpainting, slideshows, poetry, Wordles and whatever else seems to fit. I'm still just figuring out how I want the page formatted, then I will start adding things including fingerpainting that I've omitted from this site. When it is ready for viewing, I'll put a link on this blog. Oh, the name is COURAGEOUS EXTRAS. Thanks to an anonymous reader who has renamed me.


For My Love said...

I'm so glad you got a good night's sleep. Sleep is so important to our mental well being. But, what is a "normal" person? lol

Wandering Coyote said...

I'm happy to hear you had a "normal" sleep last night! I know what a victory that can be when usually sleep is such a difficult issue.

Clueless said...

Preciousrock, thank you. I have no idea what "normal" is, but I hear that people go to bed and sleep and wake up by an alarm. It could be a myth though.

Wandering Coyote, yes sleep feels good and it was restful...I can't remember how long it has been since I've had that.

jumpinginpuddles said...

dear CC,
i saw the slideshow and i think you say so truly how you feel, i am glad your therapist was able to resettle you and help you.

From amelia

Clueless said...

Thank you. Trying to tell what I need to tell and want to with so much honesty is very unsettling. I too am glad that my therapist was able to help and that I didn't fight him all the way, just some of it. LOL!!!

Mike Golch said...

I do not post every day. so I do what I can when I can.

Anonymous said...

Great you got a normal night's sleep! Wow, that's huge. It makes such a difference to everything. I'm a chronic insomniac too so I know how it goes.

Clueless said...

Yes, it is huge and I just woke up from a two hour nap. I think it was a combination of exhaustion, getting out the slideshow, followed by a therapy session where I left feeling more present.

Tamara (TC) Staples said...


WooHoo for a regular nights sleep!!! You deserved it after wearing yourself out physically and emotionally on the slideshow.

I certainly had my times when numb felt better than feeling. You are doing so much work that you must have to numb out every now and then just to get a break. I think that is okay.

Your new site sounds very exciting. I will be looking forward to it. I like the Courageous because you are very Courageous!


Clueless said...

Tamara, thanks I often forget to set limits with myself or set them where I feel bad because I can't reach them before I become overwhelmed. The sleep was wonderful. I also am looking forward to the new site, but I'm going to take my time in formatting and designing it.

For My Love said...

I am thankful to God that I have met you and many others through blogging. I have included your blog in my list of blogs that I would like to share two awards with-- the Share The Love Award and the Friendship Award. Please come over and receive them when you have time. You can copy the images and paste them to your side bars or posts, and feel free to pass them to your blogging buddies.

Take Care, PreciousRock

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