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A key word that you will see:

Fragmentation: a mental process where a person becomes intensely emotionally focused on one aspect of themselves, such as “I am angry” or “no one loves me,” to the point where all thoughts, feelings and behavior demonstrate this emotional state, in which, the person does not or is unable to take into account the reality of their environment, others or themselves and their resources. This is a term that my therapist and I use and is on the continuum of dissociation.

Monday, August 11, 2008

PAST JOURNAL ENTRY: July 29, 2005 ~ Evening

Geoffrey,

My husband was talking with my mother's husband the other day. They talked about his and my mother's vacation including her becoming angry with him. He reported that my mother got angry at him when he didn't say, "goodbye." before leaving to go shooting with the guys. But, she wouldn't tell him she was angry or why, but he knew she was angry. The next day, he did the same thing which, I'm thinking, she became angrier. She didn't tell him until after four days of being angry why she was.

I told my husband that I bet that was the day she called me on the second or third day she was angry, which she probably became angrier, because I wasn't immediately available. I called her back several times, but she never answered or called me back. She was probably angry with me.

Anyway, he went on to tell my husband that he has to be careful if she asks for his opinion as because if it doesn't match hers or is not positive, she may become angry and defensive. He also said something to the effect that if she is angry with him that it is better not to say anything or try to defend himself as she just becomes more angry and you get into more trouble.

When my husband told me, I began to cry a little because I know what he was talking about first hand and it was validating. Now, my mother's husband, her third, is a very intelligent man who can certainly defend himself, but doesn't, most of the time, to keep my mother calm. If she can do that with an adult man, I wonder what that was like for me? Also, my mother's husband usually does not talk much and definitely about things like this, so it must have really effected him.

Observations: My next journal entry goes into my reaction. But, after finishing the BPD series, this makes a lot more sense. Do you think my mother would have a problem if I gave her husband, "Stop Walking on Eggshells: Taking Your Life Back When Someone You Care About Has Borderline Personality Disorder" as a gift. LOL!!! I'm just kidding. Things are tenuous enough with my mother as it is. At least, I can joke about it. I do feel sorry for him, even though I know he can take care of himself.

6 comments:

Katie's Blog said...

Some days I feel so borderline myself. I get defensive when I feel like my husband doesn't defend me or feel rejected if T cancels, etc. I hate that. I hate having DID. I wish my brain was normal.

Tamara said...

Clueless,

It is good that you can joke about it and very caring of you to feel for your mother's husband.

I ordered the books you recommended and am waiting on their arrival. Last night I finished reading "Get Me Out of Here: My Story of Healing from Borderline Personality Disorder". Very interesting book. I am understanding my mother more and more. Just wish she could have admitted she had a problem and tried to get help instead of abusing me. *Sigh*

Take care,
Tamara

Clueless said...

@Katie. I wish mine were "normal" too.

@Tamara. Thank you. I too wish that your mother and mine would have received help, but I also know that they are the type that would not stick it out. The therapist would always end up being bad, thus, premature termination and maybe lots of them. Take care and I'm glad that you are learning more and that it is helpful.

thestranger said...

I wish someone had thought of giving me a book, or better yet an instruction manual, to go along with my ex. Add me to the list of people who desire to be normal...

Anonymous Drifter said...

That book might not be a bad idea as a gift lol

Deb said...

Good book resources!

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