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Thank you for visiting. Content MAY BE TRIGGERING ESPECIALLY FOR THOSE WHO HAVE EXPERIENCED ABUSE, STRUGGLE WITH SELF-INJURY, SUICIDE, DEPRESSION OR AN EATING DISORDER. Contains graphic descriptions of suicidal thoughts, self-injury and emotional, physical and sexual abuse. Do not read further if you are not in a safe place. If you are triggered, please reach out to your support system, a mental health professional or call 911.

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Disclaimer: Although I have worked with persons with mental illness for twenty years, I do not have a Master's Degree or a license. This is not meant to be a substitute for mental health care or treatment. Please obtain professional assistance from the resources listed on the right of the page, if needed. And call 911 if you or someone is in immediate danger.

A key word that you will see:

Fragmentation: a mental process where a person becomes intensely emotionally focused on one aspect of themselves, such as “I am angry” or “no one loves me,” to the point where all thoughts, feelings and behavior demonstrate this emotional state, in which, the person does not or is unable to take into account the reality of their environment, others or themselves and their resources. This is a term that my therapist and I use and is on the continuum of dissociation.

Sunday, December 27, 2009

"Millenium Prayer Song" ~ Sir Cliff Richard

This charity song is a wonderful combination of the Lord's Prayer and the famous tune, Auld Lang Syne. Sir Cliff Richard gave all the proceeds of the song to aid charity Children's Promise.

Friday, December 25, 2009

"Isn't There Anyone Who Can Tell Me What Christmas is All About??!!"


Christmas 1965 ~ Olivia Newton-John

Olivia Newton John - 'Christmas Time Down Under' 1965

Thursday, December 24, 2009

Christmas 1984 ~ Band Aid

"Do They Know Its Christmas Time"

Way back in the 80s there was a run of the top musician at the time getting together to record a song for different charitable purposes. This one the proceeds went to raise money for relief of the famine in Ethiopia. This is one of them. Share who you recognize.

It's Christmas time
There's no need to be afraid
At Christmas time, we let in light and we banish shade
And in our world of plenty we can spread a smile of joy

Throw your arms around the world at Christmas time

But say a prayer

Pray for the other ones
At Christmas time it's hard, but when you're having fun
There's a world outside your window
And it's a world of dread and fear
Where the only water flowing is the bitter sting of tears
And the Christmas bells that ring there
Are the clanging chimes of doom
Well tonight thank God it's them instead of you

And there won't be snow in Africa this Christmas time
The greatest gift they'll get this year is life
(Oooh) Where nothing ever grows
No rain nor rivers flow
Do they know it's Christmas time at all

(Here's to you) raise a glass for everyone
(Here's to them) underneath that burning sun
Do they know it's Christmas time at all

Feed the world, feed the world, feed the world
Let them know it's Christmas time again

Feed the world
Let them know it's Christmas time again
Feed the world
Let them know it's Christmas time again
Feed the world
Let them know it's Christmas time again
Feed the world
Let them know it's Christmas time again

Wednesday, December 23, 2009

Christmas 1975 ~ Greg Lake

"I Believe in Father Christmas"

I found this treasure over at Hot Rock's Unique Designer Jewelry which has lots of pretty treasures of another kind. Go check it out!!

To find out more about this song by Greg Lake of Emerson, Lake and Palmer watch the video below.

Tuesday, December 22, 2009

Christmas 1965 ~ Supremes

"Children's Christmas Song"

Monday, December 21, 2009

Doggies Decorate the Tree!!

This little treat I found over at my friend, Ruth Ballie's blog, Inside the Artisan. She silver jewelry that make you smile from whimsical, cute, funny, playful, comforting and warm your heart pieces. Go checkout her website, Birdland Creations. In the meantime, enjoy this dog gone cute Christmas video...woof!!!

Sunday, December 20, 2009

What Begins My Christmas!!

John Denver and the Muppets...of course!!!

Saturday, December 19, 2009


The following is from Blog Things. Please click on the bottom link to find out what your "word" is. Tell me does it fit. Mine does.

My Word is "Peace"

You see life as precious, and you wish everyone was safe, happy, and taken care of.

Social justice, human rights, and peace for all nations are all important to you.

While you can't stop war, you try to be as calm and compassionate as possible in your everyday life.

You promote harmony and cooperation. You're always willing to meet someone a little more than halfway.

Thursday, December 17, 2009

Turn the Water Off!!

I've been having quite a difficult time in therapy. Some due to the fallout from my letter to my mother. I sure have discovered who is my real family. Quite painful. The lack of responsiveness from my mother has been hurtful. I am coming to terms with that I will never receive from her the things that I have always hoped for and tried to obtain, that she is really sick, that most of my family is quite shallow and unsupportive, my aunt (only ten years older) is emotionally my mother, and not going to the holidays this year and no one expressing any interest in my decision, no one expressing concern for my health and many others.
However, all this pales in God's biggest gift to me this year...reconnecting with my aunt and her partner. It feels so good to have them back in my life after more than 15 years.
In therapy, for the last three sessions, I've just sobbed. I keep tearing up all the time. Feels like grief of who I thought was my family, letting go of my wishes that my mother would move toward me and other things mixed in that I don't yet understand. Needless to say, I am exhausted between therapy, my continued respiratory problems and my shingles...I am tired of being sick.
Sorry, but all of this has disrupted my posting. However, things are getting better...emotionally, I think.

Monday, December 14, 2009

Holidays ~ A Time for Change

During the past several months, I've made significant changes in my life for this holiday season. I am not spending any holiday with my family. I am doing what I want and what is healthy for me at this time rather than what is "expected of me." Yes, this has had some undesirable ramifications; but, I am less stressed.

These are some tips about dealing with the holidays:

  1. Remember what you want and carry that out even if it goes against what is expected of you by friends and family.
  2. Be realistic with your time. Don't over do it.
  3. Don't over do it on spending. Be realistic.
  4. Spend time thinking and doing what you can control. You can't control your family.
  5. Delegate and ask for what you need.
  6. Make your own family traditions.
  7. Make room to spend time with the people that you enjoy.
These are difficult to do even though they sound simple. Remember, holidays are supposed to be fun and joyful. Happy Holidays!!!

Sunday, December 13, 2009

"I Will Carry You" ~ Michael W. Smith ~ Worship in Song,

I Will Carry You by Michael W. Smith

We were never meant to walk this road alone. lets begin to stand in the gap for one another.

Sometimes I wonder if my beating heart has a reason
The thought of breathing only takes my breath away
Ive spent so many nights wrestling with this feeling
Do I have the strength to make it through the day
But I was never meant
To walk this road alone
I can always trust you
When you say

I will carry you
Be your strength
And pull you through
Reach for me
And take my hand
We will pray
And we will stand
In a world
Crying out for peace
Let your heart be strong
For when I am weak
You will carry me

Sometimes you wonder if the road youre on has a reason
Its hard to go on when you just dont know
We can shoulder all the weight of life between us
Until the fear of what we cannot see is gone
cause we were never meant
To walk this road alone
We are bound together
When we say...

Saturday, December 12, 2009

45 Lessons of Life

This was an email sent to me and from all the things that I read on the internet, it is probably true. Either way it makes you think.

Written By Regina Brett, 90 years old. "To celebrate growing older, I once wrote the 45 lessons life taught me. It is the most-requested column I've ever written." My odometer rolled over to 90 in August, so here is the column once more:

1. Life isn't fair, but it's still good.
2.When in doubt, just take the next small step.
3. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone.
4. Your job won't take care of you when you are sick. Your friends and parents will. Stay in touch .
5. Pay off your credit cards every month.
6. You don't have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.
7.. Cry with someone. It's more healing than crying alone.
8. It's OK to get angry with God. He can take it.
9. Save for retirement starting with your first paycheck.
10. When it comes to chocolate, resistance is futile.
11. Make peace with your past so it won't screw up the present.
12. It's OK to let your children see you cry.
13. Don't compare your life to others. You have no idea what their journey is all about.
14. If a relationship has to be a secret, you shouldn't be in it.
15. Everything can change in the blink of an eye. But don't worry; God never blinks.
16. Take a deep breath. It calms the mind.
17. Get rid of anything that isn't useful, beautiful or joyful.
18. Whatever doesn't kill you really does make you stronger.
19. It's never too late to have a happy childhood. But the second one is up to you and no one else.
20. When it comes to going after what you love in life, don't take no for an answer.
21. Burn the candles, use the nice sheets, wear the fancy lingerie. Don't save it for a special occasion. Today is special.
22. Over prepare, then go with the flow.
23. Be eccentric now. Don't wait for old age to wear purple.
24. The most important sex organ is the brain.
25. No one is in charge of your happiness but you.
26. Frame every so-called disaster with these words 'In five years, will this matter?'
27. Always choose life.
28. Forgive everyone everything.
29. What other people think of you is none of your business.
30. Time heals almost everything. Give time time.
31. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.
32. Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does.
33. Believe in miracles.
34. God loves you because of who God is, not because of anything you did or didn't do.
35. Don't audit life. Show up and make the most of it now.
36. Growing old beats the alternative -- dying young.
37. Your children get only one childhood.
38. All that truly matters in the end is that you loved.
39. Get outside every day. Miracles are waiting everywhere.
40. If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else's, we'd grab ours back.
41. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.
42. The best is yet to come.
43. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.
44. Yield.
45. Life isn't tied with a bow, but it's still a gift."

Which ones are your favorites and what makes them special to you? OR Share a favorite one that you have.

Thursday, December 10, 2009

Christmas Shoes

I just couldn't resist posting this...be prepared to cry! Well, at least I do everytime. But, it does make you think about what is important in life and how one person can make a difference!!

When I was working, I usually anonymously gave gifts to clients who didn’t have family or someone to give them something. My favorite one was giving this very, tall, street-smart, tough attitude with the looks to go with it, a Mickey Mouse stuffed animal (he had admired a coworker’s one). He just loved it and showed everyone and kept asking who gave it to him…everyone’s answer was Santa. Just to see the joy that sprung from underneath his tough life brought tears to my eyes. Giving to others is usually much more of a blessing to me than those that I receive. Warms my heart.

Share a moment where there was a specific gift that you really, really wanted to give someone or a time when someone gave you a gift that you really wanted or needed. Big or small , a word, a prayer, a smile...anything at all. Sharing about the true joy of Christmas...giving from the heart.

Sunday, December 6, 2009

Worship in Song ~ "I Will Go" ~ Hillsong London

I have found myself in You, the purpose for my life
I discover who I am, as Your spirit touches mine
Every step I take, every move I make
You are by my side
And I will be strong, my strength is in you

I will go where You want me to go
I will do what You want me to do
Yes I will go where You want me to go
I will be who You want me to be

Anything for You
When You ask me I will go
You show the way before me
In Your word I find the truth
You lead me on this journey

Those who trust in you, ever praising You
Will find their strength renewd
I'm gonna make it, make it happen

Saturday, December 5, 2009

Odd Man Out ~ Uh, Oh!!

Share one of those moments when at the last second you go...uh, oh!!!

Friday, December 4, 2009

Yet, Another Interruption!!!

Well, now I have shingles. I guess I just wanted to add just one more event to this year. Sheesh... As a result, my postings will be sporatic once again. However, I do have some more light-hearted posts already scheduled.

There has been a lot of events in my life since the end of last year and I know many of you know it, but for those who don't quick summary :

October 2008 ~ mass removed, possible cancer, benign. Is lipoma

Thanksgiving/Christmas ~ family stress/with just the holidays as usual, but with triggers this time and begin to decompensate.

Jan/Feb 2009 ~ 24 day psychiatric hospitalization

March 2009 ~ not unpacked from hospitalization yet and am hospitalized 7 days for very serious pneumonia

March 2009 ~ day after I'm discharged from the hospital my father-in-law is diagnosed with terminal lung cancer, hospice in place, given one week to six months.

April 2009 ~ father-in-law not doing well has hospice nurse in home. He passes away on 4/26/09
Funeral Service ~ May 1st
Burial Service ~ May 9th
May 10, 2009 ~ a forty two day psychiatric hospitalization; part of lung collapsed.

July 2009 ~ bronchitis

July 2009 ~ still recovering from pneumonia

August 2009 ~ still having shortness of breath, fatigue and shallow breathing. Testing begins to evaluate immune system.

September 2009 ~ send one of "those" letters to my mother. Family gets turned upside down and lots of chaos and hurtful responses and family closet opens.

October 2009 ~ begin infusion treatment for low antibody. One time per month for a year. Infusion therapy: Via IV, antibody that is low is added to blood stream...Ouch. For me, it takes about 5 hours!!!

November 2009 ~ Aunt had back problems and surgery expected at beginning of December (Aunt is like a mother as she basically raised me). Grandmother showing cognitive problems. Decide not to attend any holidays with family...good decision, but emotional fall out.

December 2009 ~ Shingles and family drama continues. I am so tired and frustrated with this year and continue to pray for boring!! Hoping next year will be boring.

Other things: Vision changes, skin problems all over, and 60 pound weight gain due to medications for pneumonia, urinary tract infection, continue therapy at four times per week, and more!!! Despite all of this my faith in God remains strong although I wonder, if He knows what boring is. Feeling a little like Job in the Bible. Yet, I still love the Lord and know that he is with me.

Tuesday, December 1, 2009

World AIDS Day 2009

Since I forgot to put something together for this day, I "stole" this from Queers United blog. Go check it out. It is quite informative and fun. Their subtitle says, "The activist blog uniting the Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender, Queer, Intersexual, Asexual community & Allies in the fight for equality."
World AIDS Day and is an opportunity to educate and create awareness about the HIV/AIDS epidemic. The theme for this year is Universal Access and Human Rights in an effort to demand that all people have access to preventative resources and life saving medications.

HIV can be transmitted through anal, vaginal, and oral sex, and through the use of dirty and/or used needles. HIV can be transmitted through blood, semen, vaginal secretions, pre-ejaculate, and breast milk. Please always make sure to use protection, via condoms, female condoms, and dental dams for oral-genital contact.

December 1st is

AIDS has no boundaries it effects everyone from homosexual and heterosexual persons, from the young to the elderly, from upper class to middle class to lower income. It does not descriminate and no one is immune.

Action tips for the day:

-Wear a red ribbon to support AIDS awareness.
-Educate yourself about HIV/AIDS.
-Get tested for HIV/AIDS and other STI's.
-Discuss HIV/AIDS with others, urge them to get tested and learn more.

Isaiah 49 :15 -16

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