Welcome!!! Please, if you are new here, READ THIS FIRST!!! Thank You!!!
Thank you for visiting. Content MAY BE TRIGGERING ESPECIALLY FOR THOSE WHO HAVE EXPERIENCED ABUSE, STRUGGLE WITH SELF-INJURY, SUICIDE, DEPRESSION OR AN EATING DISORDER. Contains graphic descriptions of suicidal thoughts, self-injury and emotional, physical and sexual abuse. Do not read further if you are not in a safe place. If you are triggered, please reach out to your support system, a mental health professional or call 911.
All images and content are Copyright © to ClinicallyClueless. All rights to the images and all content on this site and on all ClinicallyClueless materials belong exclusively to the artist/author. No use of any content, commercial or non-commercial is permitted without written consent from the author and artist.
Disclaimer: Although I have worked with persons with mental illness for twenty years, I do not have a Master's Degree or a license. This is not meant to be a substitute for mental health care or treatment. Please obtain professional assistance from the resources listed on the right of the page, if needed. And call 911 if you or someone is in immediate danger.
A key word that you will see:
Fragmentation: a mental process where a person becomes intensely emotionally focused on one aspect of themselves, such as “I am angry” or “no one loves me,” to the point where all thoughts, feelings and behavior demonstrate this emotional state, in which, the person does not or is unable to take into account the reality of their environment, others or themselves and their resources. This is a term that my therapist and I use and is on the continuum of dissociation.
First off, I want to apologize for not reading blogs lately. Therapy has been quite difficult and I have been a bit depressed. I also am having a significant problem with articulating or writing what has been happening in therapy.
Amongst other material, I think it was Monday's post of "Reality Hurts" that really encapsulates what is going on internally. That was written with mind and feelings focused on my aunt. I'm am finding it sad in realizing how sick she is and that she has a borderline personality disorder. But, unlike me, she will not change significantly as she does not think that she has a problem and has never sought help.
Knowing what having BPD is like also causes me to realize how miserable she has been and why she pushes me and the rest of the family away especially with the help of her partner. I am also for the first time really feeling how much it hurts to be pushed away and how much my self-worth is based on her reactions to me. I keep having to remember that it is about her and not me.
Hopefully, tomorrow, I'll find the words to express what other material I am dealing with as I think it would be helpful. My heart hurts.
During the past several months, I've made significant changes in my life for this holiday season. I am not spending any holiday with my family. I am doing what I want and what is healthy for me at this time rather than what is "expected of me." Yes, this has had some undesirable ramifications; but, I am less stressed.
These are some tips about dealing with the holidays:
- Remember what you want and carry that out even if it goes against what is expected of you by friends and family.
- Be realistic with your time. Don't over do it.
- Don't over do it on spending. Be realistic.
- Spend time thinking and doing what you can control. You can't control your family.
- Delegate and ask for what you need.
- Make your own family traditions.
- Make room to spend time with the people that you enjoy.
These are difficult to do even though they sound simple. Remember, holidays are supposed to be fun and joyful. Happy Holidays!!!
