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A key word that you will see:

Fragmentation: a mental process where a person becomes intensely emotionally focused on one aspect of themselves, such as “I am angry” or “no one loves me,” to the point where all thoughts, feelings and behavior demonstrate this emotional state, in which, the person does not or is unable to take into account the reality of their environment, others or themselves and their resources. This is a term that my therapist and I use and is on the continuum of dissociation.

Monday, December 14, 2009

Holidays ~ A Time for Change

During the past several months, I've made significant changes in my life for this holiday season. I am not spending any holiday with my family. I am doing what I want and what is healthy for me at this time rather than what is "expected of me." Yes, this has had some undesirable ramifications; but, I am less stressed.

These are some tips about dealing with the holidays:

  1. Remember what you want and carry that out even if it goes against what is expected of you by friends and family.
  2. Be realistic with your time. Don't over do it.
  3. Don't over do it on spending. Be realistic.
  4. Spend time thinking and doing what you can control. You can't control your family.
  5. Delegate and ask for what you need.
  6. Make your own family traditions.
  7. Make room to spend time with the people that you enjoy.
These are difficult to do even though they sound simple. Remember, holidays are supposed to be fun and joyful. Happy Holidays!!!


Anonymous said...

There's the family of you and your husband, and that's way healthier and better for you than having to navigate around your toxic blood relatives!

So I hope you enjoy this Christmas, and celebrate all the good things and happiness you'll experience from your new-found holiday freedom! :)

Dr. Deb said...

I think along these lines as well. Good advice!

Wanda's Wings said...

Good advice.

Marj aka Thriver said...

This is a wonderful, powerful, succinct list. Good work!

Hey, I have a favor to ask you. I don't have a host for the December Blog Carnival Against Child Abuse and I don't have time to set up a big one myself. But, I think I'm going to just link to posts like this with great holiday tips for survivors. Would you be okay with me using this one of yours? I sure would appreciate it and I think it would be good to get these tips out there to as many survivors as we can. Let me know. Thanks in advance!

Clueless said...

OH How I miss you Savasti!! Thanks for the encouraging words.

Thank you Dr. Deb and Wanda's Wings.

Marj of course you can use this.

Patricia Singleton said...

This is a really great list for taking care of yourself during the holidays. As the oldest child, not doing what others expected of me was difficult in the beginning. It does get easier. Thanks.

Clueless said...


Thank you...your words were encouraging to me.

Isaiah 49 :15 -16

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