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A key word that you will see:

Fragmentation: a mental process where a person becomes intensely emotionally focused on one aspect of themselves, such as “I am angry” or “no one loves me,” to the point where all thoughts, feelings and behavior demonstrate this emotional state, in which, the person does not or is unable to take into account the reality of their environment, others or themselves and their resources. This is a term that my therapist and I use and is on the continuum of dissociation.

Friday, December 4, 2009

Yet, Another Interruption!!!

Well, now I have shingles. I guess I just wanted to add just one more event to this year. Sheesh... As a result, my postings will be sporatic once again. However, I do have some more light-hearted posts already scheduled.

There has been a lot of events in my life since the end of last year and I know many of you know it, but for those who don't quick summary :

October 2008 ~ mass removed, possible cancer, benign. Is lipoma

Thanksgiving/Christmas ~ family stress/with just the holidays as usual, but with triggers this time and begin to decompensate.

Jan/Feb 2009 ~ 24 day psychiatric hospitalization

March 2009 ~ not unpacked from hospitalization yet and am hospitalized 7 days for very serious pneumonia

March 2009 ~ day after I'm discharged from the hospital my father-in-law is diagnosed with terminal lung cancer, hospice in place, given one week to six months.

April 2009 ~ father-in-law not doing well has hospice nurse in home. He passes away on 4/26/09
Funeral Service ~ May 1st
Burial Service ~ May 9th
May 10, 2009 ~ a forty two day psychiatric hospitalization; part of lung collapsed.

July 2009 ~ bronchitis

July 2009 ~ still recovering from pneumonia

August 2009 ~ still having shortness of breath, fatigue and shallow breathing. Testing begins to evaluate immune system.

September 2009 ~ send one of "those" letters to my mother. Family gets turned upside down and lots of chaos and hurtful responses and family closet opens.

October 2009 ~ begin infusion treatment for low antibody. One time per month for a year. Infusion therapy: Via IV, antibody that is low is added to blood stream...Ouch. For me, it takes about 5 hours!!!

November 2009 ~ Aunt had back problems and surgery expected at beginning of December (Aunt is like a mother as she basically raised me). Grandmother showing cognitive problems. Decide not to attend any holidays with family...good decision, but emotional fall out.

December 2009 ~ Shingles and family drama continues. I am so tired and frustrated with this year and continue to pray for boring!! Hoping next year will be boring.

Other things: Vision changes, skin problems all over, and 60 pound weight gain due to medications for pneumonia, urinary tract infection, continue therapy at four times per week, and more!!! Despite all of this my faith in God remains strong although I wonder, if He knows what boring is. Feeling a little like Job in the Bible. Yet, I still love the Lord and know that he is with me.


nippercatshome said...

Wow you have been through so much. Singles is so painful, I had them at Christmas, so I know what it;s like. You will be in my prayers everyday, and the new year will hopefully a good one for you.

Isaiah 49 :15 -16

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