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A key word that you will see:

Fragmentation: a mental process where a person becomes intensely emotionally focused on one aspect of themselves, such as “I am angry” or “no one loves me,” to the point where all thoughts, feelings and behavior demonstrate this emotional state, in which, the person does not or is unable to take into account the reality of their environment, others or themselves and their resources. This is a term that my therapist and I use and is on the continuum of dissociation.

Tuesday, February 9, 2010

Memories of Grandma!!

Below is what I wrote that is to be read on the February 19th at Grandma's service. It is later than usual due to out of state relatives.

Having lived with Grandma and partially raised by her was a privilege. She was protective, a good sport when it came to being teased, friendly, caring and physically strong…no one better have messed with her. When I was young, I called her, “baba,” as I couldn’t pronounce obachan (Japanese word for grandmother) or grandma.

Where do I even start? I can talk for hours about things I remember. The butter incident, the picture redo, the faces, hitting, her sweet tooth, hours of marketing, the snoring incident, the duck walk, the x-files incident…oh the list could go on an you would never understand a thing. But, I will say that she LOVED butter and had an enormous sweet tooth.

When Halloween came, she would purchase extra candy and stash it away. Well, she wasn’t very good at hiding it as I knew where it was. I bet she knew I was “stealing some” and probably purchase extra for herself. Also, have you ever seen a box of See’s candy with all the undersides having holes…I guess that is just they way they were made.

Going to the market with Grandma seemed like an all day event to me as a child. It seemed like she knew everyone in the neighborhood and just HAD to talk with everyone. But, it showed her caring and friendliness which all of us have.

Grandma was a bit obsessed about vacuuming as when I was young, she vacuumed twice per day because of the dog hair. She even tried to vacuum the dog. Even when she broke her leg and it was in a cast she tried to vacuum. She sat in one chair and her broken leg was on other with her moving around with the two chairs vacuuming.

We used to call her “parrot” as she repeated everything you said. One of the most memorable times was when we played the board game “Beat the Clock” which was based on the television show. I’ll never forget her sitting, and then grabbing her ankles and had to walk in a large circle to beat the clock. We were all laughing including her. But, then again she was really strong. At one Thanksgiving, there was a pull up bar for doing chin ups and no one not even the adult men could do one, but Grandma did three!!! Like I said before, “don’t mess with her.”

Grandma was really a good sport about being the butt of many a joke especially from Grandpa like the time he convinced her that the “X-files” were real FBI cases. Poor Grandma, but she got everyone back by making faces or gestures behind your back. The faces that she made were quite silly. And, she had this thing about curling her toes all the time which we dubbed the “Adachi curl.” I didn’t know that was strange until I was married as everyone in the family always did that. The spouses probably all thought that was strange including using our feet to pick up things. That is from her side of the family.

One of my favorite memories of Grandma was at one of the Bingo family reunions because it really demonstrated the type of person she was. Down the long hallway, auntie Tetsuko and Grandma saw each other. Immediately, they assumed their pseudo-sumo pose and “tough” faces and made their way down the hallway to greet each other. When they were close enough they hit each other and laughed then hugged and kissed each other. I laughed so hard that it made my stomach hurt. Oh, there are so many memories that mostly make me smile.

I miss her and her laugher, talking, making faces and just being around. However, she will always be a part of me through my silliness, my talented feet and the Adachi curl. I love you Grandma, always have and always will…I bet you are making everyone laugh in Heaven. Just try not to make anyone laugh so hard that they fall off their cloud or push them off their cloud.


Anonymous said...

this is a really beautiful speech. sorry she's not around to hear it... sounds like your gran was a truly wonderful woman.
made me laugh when you said she tried to vacuum the dog. heh classic.

anyway, hope you get through the grieving process OK.

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