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A key word that you will see:

Fragmentation: a mental process where a person becomes intensely emotionally focused on one aspect of themselves, such as “I am angry” or “no one loves me,” to the point where all thoughts, feelings and behavior demonstrate this emotional state, in which, the person does not or is unable to take into account the reality of their environment, others or themselves and their resources. This is a term that my therapist and I use and is on the continuum of dissociation.

Thursday, February 11, 2010


Well, my therapist gave me homework on Monday.  He wants me to send a positive memory of Grandma to my whole family everday.  The goal is two fold.  One, it helps me to be present in the moment of having memories of Grandma.  Two, it maintains non threatening, non attacking communication with my family. I've been getting a bit paranoid about this as I'm afraid that I will get attacked.  But, so far no responses at all which is okay as the assignment is for me and my benefit. I does feel good to share my memories.  I have to do this everyday until the day before her service. So far, the following is what I've sent:

  1. Remember that Grandma had to go down the list of everyone's name until she got it right. Forever, I will remember that I was Arcoleen and Arleen was Coarleen. However, the best one is when she got stuck and called Joy, Barney!!!  (Barney was the dog.  Joy was the youngest in our family)
  2. Do you remember when that special day came where the aroma and her special towel came out for hair coloring day! Yuck!! And, if you were around you had to wipe the excess off or her neck...eww.
  3. Hello Everyone, just me sharing another Grandma moment.  Although I never saw it, but legend has it that Grandma, who wasn't afraid of much, but ran from a huge tomato worm that Grandpa was carrying. Love, Coleen
  4. I remember that she wore "designer" jeans before anyone else in the family. After she retired, she wore jeans everyday. Ooooh, la, la, Sasoon.
By the way this grieving stuff is difficult. My therapist pointed out that I know how, but I just won't allow myself to do so. Also, again...I have difficulty expressing my feelings. And, "all roads lead to bad," which is just self-hatred. I told him that I don't think that I grieved Grandpa.  His professional respone was "no duh." LOL!!


Dorothy Rimson said...

sounds interesting.

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