Important terms for this week's entries (we all do these to various degrees):
I still love you with all my heart and that will never change."
I also left a second message for Arleen stating, "I don't feel like you love me. I'm hurt by your cutting me off. It feels like the last six months has been a sham. For more than ten years, we didn't have contact because you listened to my mother without even checking with me despite my numerous telephone calls. Cutting me off now feels the same without you checking with me again." (I knew that I was fragmenting, but I was in a place where I figured out since I screwed up everything anyway that it doesn't matter what I do now.)
OBSERVATIONS: I've made many observations about these events that I added into the narrative. This was after about 11 hours that I was able to do this...hooray, progress. Needless to say, everyone was fragmenting and reacting to each other which just made things worse. I felt like I was being punished and unfairly judged without being able to defend myself. My feelings were extremely hurt and I was really angry and thinking I was bad. Fragmenting can go two ways either all good or all bad. Arleen and Judy were in the all good; therefore, reinforcing my all bad thinking.
...tomorrow, more fragmenting, crying and hurt feelings and my non-fragmented response.