Stolen From Little Aussie Cynic

This was stolen, by permission, from Little Aussie Cynic's blog written by Aussiecynic. It is "an Aussie girls look at life, the universe and everything" and a great site to have some fun.

Aussie Helpful Advice Courtesy of Maharishi Phucknuckel’s guide to Zen.

1. Do not Walk Behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me for I may not follow, Do not walk beside me either, Just nick off and leave me alone.
   


2. The Journey of a thoussand miles begins with a broken fan belt and a flat tyre.
   


3. The darkest hours come just before the dawn. So if you’re going to pinch your neighbours milk and newpaper, thars the time to do it.
   


4. Sex is like air. It only becomes important when you arent getting any.
   


5. Don’t aspire to become irreplaceable. If you can’t be replaced you cant be promoted.
   


6. Remember no one is listening until you fart.
   


7. Never forget you are unique. Just like everyone else.
   


8. Never test the depth of water with both Feet.
   


9. If you think nobody cares if your dead or alive, try missing a mortgage repayment.
   


10. Before you judge someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way when you judge them, you are a mile away and you have their shoes.
    


11. If at first you dont succeed, Avoid Skydiving.
    


12. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach a man to fish and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.
    


13. Have you ever lent somebody $20 and never seen them again. It was probably worth it.
    


14. If you tell the truth, you dont have to remember anything.
    


15. Somedays we are the flies, somedays we are the windscreen.
    


16. Don’t worry it only seems Kinky the first time.
    


17. Good Judgement comes from experieince. Experieince comes from bad Judgement.
    


18. The quickest way to double your money is to fold it half and put it back in your pocket.
    


19. A closed mouth gathers no feet.
    


20. There are two theories on how to win an arguement with a woman. Neither work.
    


21. Generally speaking, you are not learning anything if your lips are moving.
    


22. Never miss a good chance to shut up.
    


23. Experience is something you dont get until after you need it.
    


24. When we are born we are naked, wet and hungry and get smacked on our arse. From there on in Life gets worse.
    


25. The most wasted day is one in which we have not laughed.
    

Remember not to forget that which you did not know.