This was stolen, by permission, from Little Aussie Cynic's blog written by Aussiecynic. It is "an Aussie girls look at life, the universe and everything" and a great site to have some fun.
Aussie Helpful Advice Courtesy of Maharishi Phucknuckel’s guide to Zen.
- Do not Walk Behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me for I may not follow, Do not walk beside me either, Just nick off and leave me alone.
- The Journey of a thoussand miles begins with a broken fan belt and a flat tyre.
- The darkest hours come just before the dawn. So if you’re going to pinch your neighbours milk and newpaper, thars the time to do it.
- Sex is like air. It only becomes important when you arent getting any.
- Don’t aspire to become irreplaceable. If you can’t be replaced you cant be promoted.
- Remember no one is listening until you fart.
- Never forget you are unique. Just like everyone else.
- Never test the depth of water with both Feet.
- If you think nobody cares if your dead or alive, try missing a mortgage repayment.
- Before you judge someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way when you judge them, you are a mile away and you have their shoes.
- If at first you dont succeed, Avoid Skydiving.
- Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach a man to fish and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.
- Have you ever lent somebody $20 and never seen them again. It was probably worth it.
- If you tell the truth, you dont have to remember anything.
- Somedays we are the flies, somedays we are the windscreen.
- Don’t worry it only seems Kinky the first time.
- Good Judgement comes from experieince. Experieince comes from bad Judgement.
- The quickest way to double your money is to fold it half and put it back in your pocket.
- A closed mouth gathers no feet.
- There are two theories on how to win an arguement with a woman. Neither work.
- Generally speaking, you are not learning anything if your lips are moving.
- Never miss a good chance to shut up.
- Experience is something you dont get until after you need it.
- When we are born we are naked, wet and hungry and get smacked on our arse. From there on in Life gets worse.
- The most wasted day is one in which we have not laughed.
Remember not to forget that which you did not know.