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A key word that you will see:

Fragmentation: a mental process where a person becomes intensely emotionally focused on one aspect of themselves, such as “I am angry” or “no one loves me,” to the point where all thoughts, feelings and behavior demonstrate this emotional state, in which, the person does not or is unable to take into account the reality of their environment, others or themselves and their resources. This is a term that my therapist and I use and is on the continuum of dissociation.

Friday, September 19, 2008

Overwhelming Day!!!

Today has been extremely overwhelming. The issues of this week combined with what occurred to day has been too much. First, I'm still reacting and processing what I've talked about in therapy for the past two days.

Then, today I had my physical including a pelvic exam which sent me into a panic and flashbacks, and I was referred to a surgeon to remove what my doctor says is probably just a fatty mass in my underarm. She says, it is probably nothing, but wants to have it removed just in case. There is a slight possiblity that it could be cancerous.

I'm scared, concerned and overwhelmed. Besides that lots of little things have happened that I just don't have the energy to write down. This week has been a bit much. (My consultation with the surgeon is on Monday, 9/29/08, so in about a week and a half.)


Wandering Coyote said...

I hope you can relax this weekend and regain some equilibrium. Take care.

Clueless said...

Thank you. That sounds like good advice. This has been one heck of a week.

take care,

j said...

Sounds like things are coming together, but in an overwhelming way. I hope you can relax, too, and also hope that you are doing ok physically.

Clueless said...

Yes, therapy is going well, but it is really difficult. But, having this mass has just added to everything because there is a slight chance that it could be cancerous.

soulful sepulcher said...

I will be keeping you in my thoughts! That is a lot of stuff that can overwhelm anyone, and processing the therapy is draining I am sure.

I had a mass once show up on a mammogram and it ended up a fatty tissue, so I understand the worry.

Take care of yourself and relax this weekend.

Ana said...

Take a time to relax.
I'm almost sure it's not cancerous because I know of some people who had it and it was only something related with sebaceous glandes.
Good to know therapy is going well.

Tamara (TC) Staples said...

The "c" word makes me quiver in fear, also. I am sure that your doc is correct and it is just a fatty tumor. Try not to worry - although I know that is easy for me to say! A pelvic exam would send me all by itself. To have a lot of little things on top of that and then a tumor removal. That is a lot to deal with. Hang in there. Are you going to see the surgeon soon?


Clueless said...

Stephany, Thank you for the encouragement and support. I've had, at least, six surgeries in the last 18 years and I am just tired. I am taking it easy this weekend.

Ana, thanks. For me it is a lot of just having to go through another surgery! And, even though it is probably nothing, there is that tiny bit that goes what if?

Tamara, thank you. I see the surgeon on Monday, 9/29/08.

Mike Golch said...

I can relate to being overwhdlmed.
I just dumped most of my blog roll off the reader. I could not handle it any more. I'm only keeping some some of the blogs as regulars and visiting the rest when I'm feeling up to it.

Immi said...

Take a break. We won't forget you if you need to *gasp* take a day to recuperate. And the stuff in your head will be there when you've rested some. I hope the mass removal goes well and there's no other problems from it.

Clueless said...

Thanks Mike.

Immi...Great the stuff won't go away just because I have surgery? I have an appointment for the consultation on 9/29/08.

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