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Thank you for visiting. Content MAY BE TRIGGERING ESPECIALLY FOR THOSE WHO HAVE EXPERIENCED ABUSE, STRUGGLE WITH SELF-INJURY, SUICIDE, DEPRESSION OR AN EATING DISORDER. Contains graphic descriptions of suicidal thoughts, self-injury and emotional, physical and sexual abuse. Do not read further if you are not in a safe place. If you are triggered, please reach out to your support system, a mental health professional or call 911.

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Disclaimer: Although I have worked with persons with mental illness for twenty years, I do not have a Master's Degree or a license. This is not meant to be a substitute for mental health care or treatment. Please obtain professional assistance from the resources listed on the right of the page, if needed. And call 911 if you or someone is in immediate danger.

A key word that you will see:

Fragmentation: a mental process where a person becomes intensely emotionally focused on one aspect of themselves, such as “I am angry” or “no one loves me,” to the point where all thoughts, feelings and behavior demonstrate this emotional state, in which, the person does not or is unable to take into account the reality of their environment, others or themselves and their resources. This is a term that my therapist and I use and is on the continuum of dissociation.

Tuesday, September 2, 2008

My Truth ~ My Childhood (Director's Cut)

When I completed the last slideshow, I felt that it was incomplete as I had to edit out too many of the pictures and what I wanted to say out of it. I am using a different program and have more room for images, so this one feels like it reflects my childhood until therapy began at 21 best. At the end, is a picture of God's promise to me...I'm not there yet, but I'm working on it...excuse me, WE, all of those who support me including God, are working on it.

This program allows for pause, back up and forward. It also does not automatically start, so it is not running all the time. I like that part because you can choose to run it or not.

Trigger Warning as usual. Shows graphic depictions and triggers of verbal, physical, and sexual abuse. Do not watch it you are not in a safe place and if triggered take care of yourself. Remember, don't push yourself.

18 comments:

Anonymous Drifter said...

An excellent slide show.

Clueless said...

Drifter, thank you!

Mary said...

Wow, what a great slide show, so very powerful and to the point thanks for sharing..take care Mary

mini uk said...

so amazingly powerful, thanks for sharing & I got to read teh bits I missed on teh last one. I don't don't honestly know the words I want to use, but thank you for sharing, you are a wonderful person, more wonderful than you will ever know, take care of you, you deserve it more than you'll ever know.

Clueless said...

Thank you Mary.

mini uk ~ thank you that was like a nice warm hug!!

Bradley said...

Big hugs to you my friend.

You did an amazing job on your slide show. It was extremely painful to watch, yet beautiful in the way you were able to communicate.

Thank you for sharing it with us.

Ana said...

I haven't seen the slide show yet because my computer is very slow.
It's taking time to download your blog.
Perhaps it's a bad connection.
I've read your story and I'm crying - I cry a lot and smile a lot, it's not a big deal.
I know what it's to be emotionally abused and that is the main reason why I'm on therapy for 20 years.
I've almost reached the end of therapy - with the same person.
Cannot imagine how is life having to have in mind the memories you describe.
You're very strong and I think that you are a great person dealing with all of this and still working with people who need help.
I'll be back later to read more.
Take good care of yourself as you're already doing.
God bless you!
Yours, ana

Immi said...

Great slide show.
I always get a grin out of the entirely sane advice "Remember, don't push yourself." I should have it tatooed on both arms so I remember. :)

Clueless said...

Bradley, thank you my friend!! (((Bradley)))

Thank you Ana for following me to my blog and for reading it and sharing about yourself. My page sometimes takes long to load because of the links on my sidebar.

I look forward to being able to get to know you better.

Clueless said...

Thank you for visiting my site IMMI. Yours was a bit sparse, but I know you are going for that clean modern look rather than the clutter one mine has.

Thanks for viewing the slide show. I have to, my husband, and my therapist and my psychiatrist remind me not to push myself and then get overwhelmed and spiral downward.

Clueless

Ana said...

(((((CLUELESS)))))
We have all the time!
Stay blessed.

mini uk (again) said...

Hi again,

I keep thinking back to your slide show, you said about not being allowed pink, isn't it strange how littel things are used against children, I have a similar memory of not being allowed certain stuff, just wondered if you have have any thoughts on it reflecting back (cos I can't see my own situation thought it may help to see it from someone else, obviously no obligation to answer, just take care of you.

I also thought your slideshow was more powerful than most films, Iif I had paid to see that in a cinema, I's have been happy, well no happy but to see something so deeply thought provoking, you have a usch a gift for communicating i am glad you are telling your story,

Clueless said...

Thank you Ana!!!

Clueless said...

Hi mini uk,

You can leave as many comments as you like. It is always a pleasure. Well, I'm not a girly-girl and have never been into frills and all that. Discovering that it has to do with rejecting my femininity due to my sexual abuse. I was given "special" pink, frilly dresses that I really liked initially until I realized that I had to wear them while being abused. They were "special," but not in a good way.

Thank you for the compliment regarding my communication. The slideshows have become really powerful for me. I have fingerpainting that corresponds to some of the dates of my past journal entries that I never posted, but I will on Courageous Steps once I figure out the layout.

Thanks again,
Courageous

miquiecrew said...

wow! that slide show could have been talking about me and my life. wonderfully done.

i have had your site bookmarked for a while and i never got around to it, until now. and i looked and i hope we can stay connected.

hope things are ok, and come by often - the site may change and some days may not...

Clueless said...

Thank you! Funny I've had you bookmarked for a long time too and when you left your last comment I went and checked things out and left comments.

I hope we can stay connected. Things are difficult with trying to integrate the stuff in the slideshow, but I am where I am supposed to be.

I be stopping by to visit you soon. It is getting close to my bedtime here, but thank you for stopping and watching the whole thing.

mini uk yet again! said...

Hello again,

I am not a stalker honest!
Thanks for replying, I also meant to say your new name suits you a lot more, much more you!

Gentle hugs

mini

Clueless said...

Thanks mini uk stalker!!! You really can leave as many messages as you want. Again, I can't tell you how much I appreciate you encouragement and support.

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