Actually, this post would be better titled, "What do I want?" But, that sounded better. I just returned from therapy and I'm having a really difficult time with the fragmenting, depression, feeling bad and the self-hatred. I'm so sensitive to everything people say or do and I am projecting like crazy.
Why? Well, that is one of my problems, silly!!! It all has to do with what I've written about my experiences on the Internet in which I cannot be specific.
But, bottom line is that I identified areas in which I was not happy, expressed that and asserted what I wanted. However, to try to get me to own what I actually want is a difficult thing to do because I often times can't identify it and when I do I make me and the want bad which is about my self-hatred. Hence, my increased symptoms.
So, the big question thing I am left with today is focusing on what I want. Not an easy thing to do when it becomes bad before I even think it, so it never comes. Or, my mind is totally blank or foggy. So, the real title is "What do I want." See I can't even own that. Can I just let it be without judgement, rules or condemnation? This is painful and tough work...anyone what to trade places?
