Therapy: At times, clinically I was aware of the process, but applying it to myself, I could be clueless. My journey leads to this anonymous place where I can tell of my life of abuse and trauma primarily through my past journals, current commentary, some current journaling and posts on specific issues I face. I hope to increase awareness & compassion for those of us with mental illness.
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Welcome!!! Please, if you are new here, READ THIS FIRST!!! Thank You!!!
Thank you for visiting. Content MAY BE TRIGGERING ESPECIALLY FOR THOSE WHO HAVE EXPERIENCED ABUSE, STRUGGLE WITH SELF-INJURY, SUICIDE, DEPRESSION OR AN EATING DISORDER. Contains graphic descriptions of suicidal thoughts, self-injury and emotional, physical and sexual abuse. Do not read further if you are not in a safe place. If you are triggered, please reach out to your support system, a mental health professional or call 911.
Disclaimer: Although I have worked with persons with mental illness for twenty years, I do not have a Master's Degree or a license. This is not meant to be a substitute for mental health care or treatment. Please obtain professional assistance from the resources listed on the right of the page, if needed. And call 911 if you or someone is in immediate danger.
A key word that you will see:
Fragmentation: a mental process where a person becomes intensely emotionally focused on one aspect of themselves, such as “I am angry” or “no one loves me,” to the point where all thoughts, feelings and behavior demonstrate this emotional state, in which, the person does not or is unable to take into account the reality of their environment, others or themselves and their resources. This is a term that my therapist and I use and is on the continuum of dissociation.
You scored 82% empathic, 2% delusional, 94% sociable, and 88% law-abiding!
You don't have any gross defects of character at all. You might have your problems, but for the most part you're simply a normal person and most definitely not a psychopath in any way.
I found this on the Go! Smell the Flowers site. I highly recommend it. It is a community that can discuss anything, but generally stays in the realm of inspiration, health, fun, travel, books, and media. I visit there at least one time per day. I really recommend checking it out for about a week to get a feel of it and just jump right in on any of the topics or discussions. Some get very interesting and some are just funny.
I think, I'm backwards on this because I tend to wake up willing to kill for my first morning cup and get depressed as I have none in the evening.
Well, this weekend my husband and I have tickets for another performance. Brad Sherwood and Colin Mocherie both from "Whose Line Is It Anyway?" It was "stolen" from the British show (the US just "borrows" from the British because we can't come up with anything original) that was a improvisational comedy show that was hilarious. So, I am hoping I can handle the show and that I will have a good time. I thought I would share a bit with you. Brad and Colin are in this clip. Enjoy.
Well, I decided that I did not want to write a post today...I'm a little weary..."feeling small. When tears are in your eyes, I will dry them all; Im on your side. When times get rough. And friends just can't be found..." (okay, and my brain can't focus, but I like the song...recognize it?)
Besides...my cat, which I don't own, is blocking my view
(Hey, someone get the cat out of here...who owns it anyway!!)
Maybe, I'll relax and count my happy toes!
Shh...or sleep on my computer with my coffee in my hand. Don't touch the coffee. The computer I don't mind, but the coffee...don't do it!!
Or, maybe view things from a different perspective!
Or, maybe ask my best friend to stay home from work and cuddle and sleep all day!!!
I'm a dog person, but I like cats too. This video was really well made and is LOL funny. For those who are cat people, sit down while watching it for your own safety.
The format of The Banana Splits Adventure Hour was loosely based on Rowan & Martin's Laugh-In, a comedy-variety show airing on NBC at the time. Each show represented a meeting of the "Banana Splits Club," and the wraparounds featured the adventures of the club members, who doubled as a musical quartet (meant to be reminiscent of The Beatles and The Monkees). The main characters were Fleegle, a beagle; Bingo, a gorilla; Drooper, a lion, and Snorky (called "Snork" in the theme song lyrics), an elephant. (Information from Wikipedia)
A blast from my past that always makes me smile. I love the song, but careful...it gets locked into the brain and loops all day.
Here are the lyrics...in case you missed them.
Banana Splits Song (The Tra La La Song) Written by Ritchie Adams & Mark Barkan One banana, two banana, three banana, four Four bananas make a bunch and so do many more. Over hill and highway the banana buggies go Comin'on to bring you the Banana Splits show
(CHORUS): Makin' up a mess of fun, makin' up a mess of fun Lots of fun for everyone Tra la la, la la la la Tra la la, la la la la Tra la la, la la la la Tra la la, la la la la
Four banana, three banana, two banana, one All bananas playin' in the bright warm sun. Flippin' like a pancake, popping like a cork Fleegle, Bingo, Drooper an' Snork
(REPEAT CHORUS)
Two banana, four banana, one banana, three Swingin' like a bunch on monkeys, hangin' from a tree. Hey there, ev'rybody, won't you come along and see How much like Banana Splits ev'ryone can be
Makin' up a mess of fun, makin' up a mess of fun Lots of fun for everyone Tra la la, la la la la Tra la la, la la la la Tra la la, la la la la Tra la la, la la la la Tra la la, la la la la Tra la la, la la la la Tra la la, la la la la Tra la la, la la la la
Mike'sandTamara'sblogs both had this MEME and left it an open tag, so whoever wanted to do it could. I thought it was very interesting, so I am going to give it a go.
I am: a child of God, His daughter.
I think: too much. Need to verbalize and/or write more.
I know: that that I am not alone in my healing journey.
I have:a blessed life and a wonderful husband.
I wish:that depression and PTSD did not turn my life upside down.
I hate: injustice, lies, twisted truths especially when it comes to Jesus and some of the horrible things people can do to one another.
I miss:enjoying my life.
I fear:my feelings and trusting others.
I hear:too many negative thoughts in my head. Not voices, just my own thoughts
I smell:my coffee. How comforting and soothing.
I crave:chocolate and cookies right now. Want cookies!!! (I'm trying to reduce the simple refined sugars in my diet!!! Want cookies!!!)
I search:for God's presence everyday and find Him.
I wonder:why God allows so many horrendous things to happen. I know all the Biblical reasons, but bottom line I am not God and I will not know. It is probably better...our tiny brains are probably not equipped to handle such things. I regret:nothing. Eveything I've said or done was something that I cannot take back, but I can try to make it better now. Remind me that when I'm being hard on myself. I love:God, my husband, my family, my friends and some of the people I've met in blog world for they have touched my heart.
I ache:all over, as a feeling, but can't put words to it.
I am not:bad, evil or deserve to die. (Keep telling myself, keep telling myself, keep telling myself...brainwashing is hard to deprogram)
I believe:that people can change. If you look enough and they let their defenses down that everyone has value and worth and something to give. I dance: (when not depressed) at concerts, during worship songs at church, while doing housework with music on.
I sing: (when not depressed) most of the time especially if there is music playing.
I cry:during happy and sad movies and for other people's pain. However, this is difficult for me to do for myself.
I fight:my inner battles of ambivalence inside myself.
I win:because I lived through my traumas and now have a great life. I lose:my mind...if found, please send it to me ASAP. I'll pay for shipping and handling fees.
I never: n/a. Too polarized of a word.
I always:n/a. Too polarized of a word. No, change that to I always love my husband even when I don't like him, I still love him with everything that I have.
I confuse:others sometimes because I can be intensely serious to completely silly. People have difficulty putting the two together. Right, Bradley?
I listen:well to others. I am always working on listening to God and to myself. The latter being the most difficult.
I am scared:of trusting others and my feelings especially rage, terror and pain. Also, of my needs...I don't have any needs...lies!!! (oh, I'm having a conversation with myself. Hey, it is private. Don't listen in. Don't worry. I'm just fine!)
I need:to allow others into my life and to trust more.
I am happy about:that I have a great life now...I just wish I could hurry up and deal with the past and move on. In reality, I really do have a good life now with the exception of dealing with major depression and post-traumatic stress disorder. I imagine:a world where God's love is the only thing we can see...one day when there is no more tears, pain, horror, terror and evil.
I would like to tag no one. I will followMike'sandTamara'sleads and tag anyone who wants to give this a try and then leave me a message so I can see what you wrote.
After what I've written this week, I need a cheering up. Peanuts almost always make me at least smile when nothing else will except for coffee and chocolate.
I Belong in the Baby Boomer Generation according to the test which actually fits me very well. Now, have some fun and take the test and leave a comment with your results and how it applies/or not to you.
I Belong in the Baby Boomer Generation
You fit in best with people born between 1943 and 1960.
You are optimistic, rebellious, and even a little self centered.
You still believe that you will change the world.
You detest authority and rules. Deep down, you're a non conformist.
I know this movie may be before your time, but it is one of my favorites. Yes, I am a Trekkie. (What other horrible thing are you going to learn about me this week?) For me, bloopers are always funny even if I don't know the show. Enjoy.
This week to say it has been heavy is an understatement, so I thought that I would post something fun today instead of what I had scheduled. Remember to leave your results and how it applies or doesn't in the comment section.
I think mine fits except for the respect part, but maybe I'm wrong. It might, but I thing that in love and in general it is "Do you understand me?"
My Power Color Is Red-Orange
At Your Highest:
You are warm, sensitive, and focused on your personal growth.
At Your Lowest:
You become defensive and critical if you feel attacked.
In Love:
You are loyal - but you demand the respect you deserve.
The "R" (Retard) Word is Unacceptable! Stop Using it!!
Find Out Why
For My Answer, At the bottom of the page, do a search, "homosexuality series" and include the quotations.
"For the Bible Tells Me So"
It Gets Better
YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL AND ACCEPTABLE THE WAY YOU ARE!!
I AM A CHILD OF GOD
Hidden Pieces: My Life of Abuse
Click Picture For More Information About My Life
Effects of Child Sexual Abuse
Click Picture to Read My Personal Story
Click Picture to Learn More About Borderline Personality Disorder
Click Picture To Learn More About Eating Disorders
Click Picture to Learn More About Self-injury
Click Picture for More Information About Major Depression
Click Picture to Learn About Mental Heath and Other Important Issues & Some Fun Topics
When You Get To The Last Post Click Older Posts For More Posts
One of "THOSE" letters!!
Click the Picture to Find Out More. Also, look at later date like September & October 2009 to read more about my family's reaction. Blogger is not cooperationing with the search!