5 on Friday

Last week, I saw this meme by Mike of Mike's Place.  Here are the rules:

If you'd like to join us in the musical fun, the guidelines are basic and simple.

1. Go to Playlist.com to make your play list of five songs. You may choose a particular theme to share with us, or post random tunes if that's your vibe for the day. You can simply post the play list, or you can add a little summary about what you are sharing.
2. Don't feel restricted by the tracks listed on Playlist.com. And don't be discouraged if the Embed code won't work. You're welcome to use any type of media to share your Sets.
3. Be sure to sign Mr Linky so everyone can visit your Set.

No tags, but feel free to invite your friends to play along if they need a post topic on a Friday.

I've been a bit more depressed for the past few weeks and my selections reflect that. I hope that you enjoy the music. They are still good songs.

10 Honest Things About Me!!

The Thriver's Toolbox author April Optimist gave me this award. Take a look at her blog. She is quite insightful and optimistic fits her personality. I almost always leave her blog or read her comments with a smile. She knows how to really help you look at things in a different light, but keep it real. She can also tell you the tough stuff.

With this award I'm supposed to list 10 honest things about myself.

1. I'm angry about all the things I feel like I've lost due to my depression and PTSD like a clean house, working, cooking, baking and socializing, etc... Generally, I am an over-achiever and everything needs to be just so.


2. I used to be an avid baker and cook making and tweaking my own recipes.


3. I love computer games. Right now, I'm hooked on Ouba and The Legend of El Dorado.


4. I would like to publish a book about my life one day.


5. I really want a black labrador, but sadly our house is not ready for one. I wonder if it will ever be ready.


6. I am honest to a fault. I am a terrible liar. I get myself into trouble by being honest.


7. I'm a shopaholic. Discovering online shopping was a very bad thing! It is somewhat under control right now because I am not working.


8. I love my husband and really think that he is God's gift to me. He really is as wonderful as I make him sound. My therapist thinks that he is "perfect." He gives me so much love, attention, attunement and acceptance that I didn't receive growing up. He has been so healing in my life.


9. I love God and my Christian faith is very important to me. I also have questions and seek to find resolution. I am also very protective of how the Church is viewed by society in general and will speak up if I feel something is misrepresented or misunderstood.


10. 
    
    I know that I have what it takes to get through my healing; however, sometimes, I can't see it or believe it. Deep down I know that I will get to the otherside and I am scared as to what God will ask me to do with that. :-)
    

I know that this is a cop out, but I don't have the energy to really forward this on, so if you would like to do this meme please do so. Remember to link my blog to it in someway and to forward it along. Also, let me know because I'd like to know more about you too.

The Photo MEME

I got this one from Immi at MigraineChow.com . If you want to do it, go for it because I am not tagging anyone. This one is fun, but I didn't follow the rules. I didn't realize it until I was done. Mostly, I did, but some of the pictures were on the second or third page. I am very good at doing a detailed search for what I want.

A) Answer the questions below, do a Google Image search with your answer, take a picture from the first page of results, and do it with minimal words of explanation. B) Tag 5 other people to do the same once you’ve finished answering every question.

1. Age you will be on you next birthday

2. A place you want to travel

3. Your favorite place


4. Your favorite food


5. Your favorite pet

6. Your favorite color combination

7. Your favorite piece of clothing
8. Your favorite television show
9. First name of your significant other

10. Town in which you live

11. Your first job

12. Your dream job

13. A bad habit you have

14. Your worst fear
15. What you'd like to do before you die

31 Things About Me Meme

I volunteered to be tagged by JIP of life spacings for this meme, called 31 Things. I am not tagging anyone, but if you would like to participate you know the routine and if you don’t please ask.

1. Where is your cell phone? on the table next to me

2. Your significant other? husband

3. Your hair? my own

4. Your mother? who?

5. Your father? what is that?

6. Your favorite thing? my Bible

7. Your dream last night? nightmare

8. Your favorite drink? coffee

9. Your dream/goal? become a clinical psychologist/write a book about my life

10. The room you’re in? dining room/office

11. Your hobby? baking

12. Your fear? abandonment

13. Where do you want to be in 6 years? out of therapy

14. What you’re not? conventional

15. Muffins? homemade blueberry or cranberry

16. One of your wish list items? peace on Earth

17. Where you grew up? Los Angeles County

18. The last thing you did? sent email

19. What are you wearing? that is private...why do you think I blog

20. Favorite gadget? computer

21. Your pets? stuffed animals (dogs mostly)

22. Your computer? my friend...I need to get out more

23. Your mood? huh?

24. Missing someone? yes

25. Your car? working

26. Something you’re not wearing? bra/I hate them

27. Favorite store? Nordstrom

28. Like someone? lots of someones

29. Your favorite color? purple

30. When is the last time you laughed? today

31. Last time you cried? secret

Better late than never...I hope.

Okay, I became so behind and totally overwhelmed by life and then these wonderful awards started to come my way. The comments about me or my blog really warmed my heart. The only problem was that I didn't have the energy to put a post together for them, so now I am two months behind. So please forgive me, my untimeliness has nothing to do with my degree of appreciation. I really do appreciate each and everyone of you and the awards.

Well, way back on 7/27/08, my hilarious friend Bradley of How is Bradley? Honored me with the Arte Y Pico award. Then, I waited long enough to be honored with the same award from my courageous friend Svasti of Svasti: A Journey From Assault to Wholeness on 9/5/08. If you click on the name or the award it will take you to the site that explains what it is. There is an English section, so scroll down. It also give you the following rules:

Rules:

1) You have to pick 5 blogs that you consider deserve this award, creativity, design, interesting material, and also contrubuites to the blogger community, no matter of language.

2) Each award has to have the name of the author and also a link to his or her blog to be visited by everyone.

3) Each award-winning, has to show the award and put the name and link to the blog thathas given her or him the ward itself.

4) Award-winning and the one who has given the prize have to show the link of "Arte y pico"blog , so everyone will know the origin of this award.

5) To show these rules.

On 8/20/08, my gentle friend Precious Rock of One Bipolar Life blessed me with two awards, Sharing the Love and Friendship Awards. These two you are supposed to bless three other bloggers.

On 9/19/08, Immi from MigraineChow my new friend recognized my blogwith the Brillante Weblog Award. On 8/16/08, my honest friend bluegirl from Rantings and Ramblings did the same. Also, within the this last month the wise John D. from Storied Mind ~ Writing to Recover Life from Depression recognized my blog with the same award. This one you are supposed to recognize seven other blogs.

Well, I am supposed to pass these along to others, but many of you have received these already. Since I don't have time to check every blog out, I am just going to list some of my favorite blogs that I know did not receive these and if you did accept the compliment again. You can take all or none. Pass it on if you feel like it and if you do don't forget to link me. Oh, and don't forget to check out the amazing blogs from those who honored me!!!

Here is my list:

1. Desire to Heal by Tamara
2. Nippercat's Home by Mary
3. Soulful Sepulcher by Stephany
4. justAna by Ana
5. Investigations and Ruminations
6. Disjointed Thoughts
7. Depression Marathon
8. brainmenu
9. Mental Health Humor and Cartoons by Chato B. Stewart
10. This is Uncensored Territory Baby!

Who am I?

Mike's and Tamara's blogs both had this MEME and left it an open tag, so whoever wanted to do it could. I thought it was very interesting, so I am going to give it a go.


I am: a child of God, His daughter.

I think: too much. Need to verbalize and/or write more.

I know: that that I am not alone in my healing journey.

I have: a blessed life and a wonderful husband.

I wish: that depression and PTSD did not turn my life upside down.

I hate: injustice, lies, twisted truths especially when it comes to Jesus and some of the horrible things people can do to one another.

I miss: enjoying my life.

I fear: my feelings and trusting others.

I hear: too many negative thoughts in my head. Not voices, just my own thoughts

I smell: my coffee. How comforting and soothing.

I crave: chocolate and cookies right now. Want cookies!!! (I'm trying to reduce the simple refined sugars in my diet!!! Want cookies!!!)

I search: for God's presence everyday and find Him.

I wonder: why God allows so many horrendous things to happen. I know all the Biblical reasons, but bottom line I am not God and I will not know. It is probably better...our tiny brains are probably not equipped to handle such things.

I regret: nothing. Eveything I've said or done was something that I cannot take back, but I can try to make it better now. Remind me that when I'm being hard on myself.

I love: God, my husband, my family, my friends and some of the people I've met in blog world for they have touched my heart.

I ache: all over, as a feeling, but can't put words to it.

I am not: bad, evil or deserve to die. (Keep telling myself, keep telling myself, keep telling myself...brainwashing is hard to deprogram)

I believe: that people can change. If you look enough and they let their defenses down that everyone has value and worth and something to give.

I dance: (when not depressed) at concerts, during worship songs at church, while doing housework with music on.

I sing: (when not depressed) most of the time especially if there is music playing.

I cry: during happy and sad movies and for other people's pain. However, this is difficult for me to do for myself.

I fight: my inner battles of ambivalence inside myself.

I win: because I lived through my traumas and now have a great life.

I lose: my mind...if found, please send it to me ASAP. I'll pay for shipping and handling fees.

I never: n/a. Too polarized of a word.

I always: n/a. Too polarized of a word. No, change that to I always love my husband even when I don't like him, I still love him with everything that I have.

I confuse: others sometimes because I can be intensely serious to completely silly. People have difficulty putting the two together. Right, Bradley?

I listen: well to others. I am always working on listening to God and to myself. The latter being the most difficult.

I am scared: of trusting others and my feelings especially rage, terror and pain. Also, of my needs...I don't have any needs...lies!!! (oh, I'm having a conversation with myself. Hey, it is private. Don't listen in. Don't worry. I'm just fine!)

I need: to allow others into my life and to trust more.

I am happy about: that I have a great life now...I just wish I could hurry up and deal with the past and move on. In reality, I really do have a good life now with the exception of dealing with major depression and post-traumatic stress disorder.

I imagine: a world where God's love is the only thing we can see...one day when there is no more tears, pain, horror, terror and evil.

I would like to tag no one. I will follow Mike's and Tamara's leads and tag anyone who wants to give this a try and then leave me a message so I can see what you wrote.