Why did I post yesterday's depiction of "sadness"? In therapy, for several weeks I have been dealing with sadness and abandonment issues. The feelings are there and have been intrusive and I find myself tearing up frequently. In therapy, I have difficulty crying even after nineteen years of therapy with the same therapist. Truth is that I don't want to tell myself how I really feel by crying.
I know that I'm ready; otherwise, I would not have brought it up. We also have been talking about my "silent" crying which really isn't crying at all. My therapist says that crying is meant to signal distress and needs to be heard...he is there to hear me. Even though I know that he is right, I still tell him that crying alone or "silently" is enough. Well, he tells me differently...of course, it is his job. Tears just get caught in my chest or throat.
When I cry, it makes reality more real to me instead of my fantasies that "it wasn't that bad," "I'm just being "too sensitive" and "I've already talked about it, so I don't need to anymore... and the thoughts/defenses go on.
I will get there. I know I can!!
Don't Cry Out Loud sung by Melissa Manchester
Baby cried the day the circus came to town
'cause she didn't want parades just passin' by her
So she painted on a smile and took up with some clown
While she danced without a net upon the wire
I know a lot about 'er 'cause, you see
Baby is an awful lot like me
Don't cry out loud
Just keep it inside, learn how to hide your feelings
Fly high and proud
And if you should fall, remember you almost had it all
Baby saw that when they pulled that big top down
They left behind her dreams among the litter
The different kind of love she thought she'd found
There was nothin' left but sawdust and some glitter
But baby can't be broken 'cause you see
She had the finest teacher-that was me-I told 'er
Don't cry out loud
Just keep it inside and learn how to hide your feelings
Fly high and proud
And if you should fall, remember you almost had it all
Don't cry out loud
Just keep it inside and learn how to hide your feelings
Fly high and proud
And if you should fall, remember you almost made it
Don't cry out loud
Just keep it inside and learn how to hide your feelings
Fly high and proud
And if you should fall, remember you almost had it all
