I realize that when I decided to blog that I was putting myself out there to receive all sorts of comments especially with this blog as it is so personal. I received such positive responses that I ventured further into social networks and had mixed responses. But, none that really bothered me more than irritated me with cliche's of advise or one's where you wonder, "What are they responding to?" Or, "What planet are they from?"
So, I began to venture further and found myself being in discussions and heated debates on all sorts of topics including mental health. I was fine with that. In fact, I was proud of being able to stand my ground and clearly state my different point of view.
Then, that began to turn ugly and became direct attacks and digs on me personally. Some days, I can handle it without a problem and like it. Other times, when I am not in a good place it can be crushing and I can't crawl out of the "I am bad" hole. I feel attacks coming from inside and outside.
And, there are unwanted changes on some of the sites that make me feel like I don't fit in which triggers that "I've never fit in and nobody wants me unless I change." Sorry to be vague. Well, I have decided that I am only going to stay where I feel like I can be me and where it is still fun or helpful for me.
I feel like I'm standing on unsolid ground because I can't really figure out what it is that I want. I do know that right now things are in transition and I feel like I'm on the ground trying to stand up in the middle of an earthquake. Somewhere along the way, I have lost myself. If you do happen to find me, please send to my home. Postage, shipping, handling and insurance will be reimbursed.
