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A key word that you will see:

Fragmentation: a mental process where a person becomes intensely emotionally focused on one aspect of themselves, such as “I am angry” or “no one loves me,” to the point where all thoughts, feelings and behavior demonstrate this emotional state, in which, the person does not or is unable to take into account the reality of their environment, others or themselves and their resources. This is a term that my therapist and I use and is on the continuum of dissociation.

Thursday, March 25, 2010


Recently, I have been learning, at a deeper level, the amount of energy that it takes to maintain my defences. (I'll probably post something about this next week).  Anyway, it takes my energy away from meeting and enjoying reaching my goals.  My goals are sort of broken down in to short-term and long-term goals.  In no particular order, these are my goals (may or may not be realistic):

  • Have my husband sleep in the same bed with me.
  • exercise and have a personal trainer
  • bake and cook again
  • grocery shop
  • volunteer
  • reduce therapy hours
  • set up a living will with my husband
  • get healthy
  • go to church
  • go to church small group
  • see Wicked
  • to see in concert Crosby, Still and Nash; Chicago with Earth, Wind and Fire, Carly Simon, Barry Manilow, Olivia Newton-John, Elton John, Eric Clapton, Adam Lambert, Creed, Rob Thomas, Jason Mraz, Train, Michael Buble, Kelly Clarkson and The Gay Mens Chorus of Los Angeles.
  • Prepare for taking the GRE.

  • Earn my doctorate in Clinical Psychology
  • Use my education for becoming involved with my church, mental health, developmental disabilities, and GLBT.
  • get involved with advocacy, counseling, speaker, counsult, train and set up programs for the above.
  • write a book
  • take culinary classes
  • become a Nordstrom personal shopper with only M-F and off by 6pm.
  • meet people that I only know from online
  • terminate therapy
  • be completely off medications
  • visit Epcot Center, Hawaii, northern california, New York, washington D.C., Europe (England, Italy and Greece)
I need to get better before I can complete some of these...But, just imagine the possiblities...I can have control over what I want out of my life.


Sandee said...

One step at a time. It's just one step at a time. Hope you manage to work through this list.

Have a terrific day. :)

Clueless said...

Hi Sandee...yes, one step at a time and I am realilistic and know that I won't complete all of them. My most important one other than therapy and my husband is going back to school.

take care,

Hilary Melton-Butcher said...

Hi CC .. thanks for popping over to my blog and your comments re the Passion Flowers.

I'll be reading your blog - but probably not comment much .. other than to say I'm here .. as my knowledge is very limited & I'll be learning from the reading.

All the best and hope things improve ..

the only thing I might suggest is you reading an article on butterfly touch massage .. that I saw here in the UK nearly 3 years ago .. it may interest you.

I was extremely luck to find a practitioner here in the town on the South Coast, who has been brilliant with my badly stroked terminally ill mother and just the calming effect has helped her hugely. Our BTM therapist used to nurse premature aids babies in the States, which how she came across the therapy.

It may be of no value to you - but it's something with all your connections someone you know may be .. the link is here to read The Times Online article:

All the best - Hilary

lostinamaze said...

I think it's a neat idea to write out the goals you would like to achieve. I'm not sure I could think of half that many. It's great that you can do that. I will give it more thought and maybe start my own list.

Tina said...

you have obviously thought this all through long and hard. I hope you can acheive your wants and dreams :)

Tina from
Mummy Diaries
Gossip Avenue
Travel Shack
Game FreakZ

Isaiah 49 :15 -16

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