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Thank you for visiting. Content MAY BE TRIGGERING ESPECIALLY FOR THOSE WHO HAVE EXPERIENCED ABUSE, STRUGGLE WITH SELF-INJURY, SUICIDE, DEPRESSION OR AN EATING DISORDER. Contains graphic descriptions of suicidal thoughts, self-injury and emotional, physical and sexual abuse. Do not read further if you are not in a safe place. If you are triggered, please reach out to your support system, a mental health professional or call 911.

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Disclaimer: Although I have worked with persons with mental illness for twenty years, I do not have a Master's Degree or a license. This is not meant to be a substitute for mental health care or treatment. Please obtain professional assistance from the resources listed on the right of the page, if needed. And call 911 if you or someone is in immediate danger.

A key word that you will see:

Fragmentation: a mental process where a person becomes intensely emotionally focused on one aspect of themselves, such as “I am angry” or “no one loves me,” to the point where all thoughts, feelings and behavior demonstrate this emotional state, in which, the person does not or is unable to take into account the reality of their environment, others or themselves and their resources. This is a term that my therapist and I use and is on the continuum of dissociation.

Wednesday, July 20, 2011

Feeling "Bad" ~ Part 2

I called my therapist yesterday and spoke with him about going into bad.  He pointed out that it is a defense.  Given that we talked about my eating disorder for most of the session and that we are talking about my sexual abuse, it makes sense that my defenses would increase and that I would go into bad.  He also pointed out that he was just making a statement of fact and sort of teasing about the shopping.  If I were in a better place, I would have taken it like that.  He is/was also addicted to shopping and we both are very much aware of it.

When I am in the state of all roads lead to "bad," he said that I could find a way for lint to make me feel bad.  LOL...but, it is true.

My husband was just fine with the car.  He wasn't angry or blaming. He told me that it could have hit me personally.  Also, that he would rather it hit the car then me.  Okay, trying to let that sink in.


Nikki (Sarah) said...

funny how easy it is to fall into bad.....stay strong and it sounds like you got a great therapist.

Clueless said...

Sarah...I agree on both points!!

Wanda's Wings said...

Bad seems to be my "natural" mode. I can so relate to what you are feeling. Thank God for good therapist!

Clueless said...

Wanda...I agree. Take care of yourself...you deserve it.

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