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Thank you for visiting. Content MAY BE TRIGGERING ESPECIALLY FOR THOSE WHO HAVE EXPERIENCED ABUSE, STRUGGLE WITH SELF-INJURY, SUICIDE, DEPRESSION OR AN EATING DISORDER. Contains graphic descriptions of suicidal thoughts, self-injury and emotional, physical and sexual abuse. Do not read further if you are not in a safe place. If you are triggered, please reach out to your support system, a mental health professional or call 911.

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Disclaimer: Although I have worked with persons with mental illness for twenty years, I do not have a Master's Degree or a license. This is not meant to be a substitute for mental health care or treatment. Please obtain professional assistance from the resources listed on the right of the page, if needed. And call 911 if you or someone is in immediate danger.

A key word that you will see:

Fragmentation: a mental process where a person becomes intensely emotionally focused on one aspect of themselves, such as “I am angry” or “no one loves me,” to the point where all thoughts, feelings and behavior demonstrate this emotional state, in which, the person does not or is unable to take into account the reality of their environment, others or themselves and their resources. This is a term that my therapist and I use and is on the continuum of dissociation.

Thursday, July 21, 2011


My defences have defences!!!  My being angry at my therapist is a defence against trying to focus on donating my clothing is a defence against feeling which is a defence about dealing with my sexual abuse.  The bottom line is dealing with my anger and rage regarding my sexual abuse!!  I can get caught up in any one of the areas and focus on that and never get to the real issue of my anger.  My therapist knows me too well and by passed all the areas and got right to my anger.  The other issues are important as well.

Anger is an area that has landed me into four psychiatric hospitalizations and I won't do this again.  My therapist said, "then deal with your anger."  Again, watching pornography helps me to feel my anger and the FemDom stuff helps with my revenge fantasies...all good...not a problem.  There are other things too. 

My therapist suggested (homework) that I focus on my anger one time per week and blog about it.  Well, today I am numb.


Wanda's Wings said...

Anger can be so frightening emotion to deal with. I personally am afraid that if I ever let go I would do some damage. I think the blog is a good and safe palace to let that anger out. You deserve to let it out!

Clueless said...

Yes, writing is helpful and my blog helps me to feel heard and like I am not alone. Thank you so much for your support.

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