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A key word that you will see:

Fragmentation: a mental process where a person becomes intensely emotionally focused on one aspect of themselves, such as “I am angry” or “no one loves me,” to the point where all thoughts, feelings and behavior demonstrate this emotional state, in which, the person does not or is unable to take into account the reality of their environment, others or themselves and their resources. This is a term that my therapist and I use and is on the continuum of dissociation.

Tuesday, August 10, 2010

Abandonment: Pain, Rage & Terror

I used my non-dominant hand. I am working through some of these issues and feelings in therapy now. During one of the sessions, I said that I feel like coloring." The colors are a bit washed out. The colors are a red-orange and purple-blue.

Abandonment rage is a very significant part of, even possible the core, of the Borderline Personality Disorder condition.  It is what makes us "act out" our anger toward others or ourselves.  Working through these issues is key in really getting better; however, it takes a long time to reach this point.  Most terminate before reaching this point.  But, it does get better...I promise.  In spite of the pain of working it through, it is well worth it.


Anonymous said...

I'm glad you've realized that it gets better, because I believe it does. Keep on keeping on, CC. It sounds like you are dealing with your abandonment rage in a healthy way.

Wishing you well,

Just Be Real said...

Thank you for sharing your pain here and the encouragement that it does get better. Here sending you safe hugs.....

Sairs said...

I am glad that you also can see it does get better. I didn't think it would ever get better 10 years ago, but 10 years later, although I do have issues, I don't have the same amount of issues at I did then. I have been in therapy with the same psychiatrist for 13 years, a lot longer than I ever thought possible and he is pretty awesome. I'm glad you like colouring too!

Evan said...

That is a really intense drawing CC.

It's great to hear that you are findig a way to express this stuff.

Shen said...

I'm a huge fan of non-dominant drawing and writing. It really can help me find my innermost thoughts, even when my mind is so aswirl that nothing seems to be coming through.

Hope is always in too short a supply. It's good for the reminder that its there for all of us.

Clueless said...

NOS, Thank you. I hope that you remember that it does get better. Working through my rage is a b***h!!

JBR, Thank you for the hugs and comments. With hard work, it does get better. And, a commitment with the patient and therapist are key.

Sairs, I'm happy that you found someone who is awesome to work with. I too have the same issues, but I am better able to manage them and some are no longer issues.

Evan, yes intense and hard for me to look at...as are some of my fingerpainting.

Shen, Hope is difficult for me to hang on too. But, I always try to remember that I had hope, so it is still there even if I don't feel it. This doesn't work all the time.

Non-dominant hand exercises are really a great tool. I'm glad that you enjoy it.

take care everyone,

castorgirl said...

This is a brilliant representation of pain, rage and terror... I hope it helped you to express this.

I was stunned the first time I tried non-dominant hand drawing... It's a great technique to get in touch with emotions.

Take care,

Clueless said...


I'm glad that the emotions come across. Non-dominant exercises often are quite powerful.

take care,

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