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Thank you for visiting. Content MAY BE TRIGGERING ESPECIALLY FOR THOSE WHO HAVE EXPERIENCED ABUSE, STRUGGLE WITH SELF-INJURY, SUICIDE, DEPRESSION OR AN EATING DISORDER. Contains graphic descriptions of suicidal thoughts, self-injury and emotional, physical and sexual abuse. Do not read further if you are not in a safe place. If you are triggered, please reach out to your support system, a mental health professional or call 911.

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Disclaimer: Although I have worked with persons with mental illness for twenty years, I do not have a Master's Degree or a license. This is not meant to be a substitute for mental health care or treatment. Please obtain professional assistance from the resources listed on the right of the page, if needed. And call 911 if you or someone is in immediate danger.

A key word that you will see:

Fragmentation: a mental process where a person becomes intensely emotionally focused on one aspect of themselves, such as “I am angry” or “no one loves me,” to the point where all thoughts, feelings and behavior demonstrate this emotional state, in which, the person does not or is unable to take into account the reality of their environment, others or themselves and their resources. This is a term that my therapist and I use and is on the continuum of dissociation.

Monday, July 19, 2010

Where to go from here?

I'm  not sure what I want to do at this point in my blog.  I know that I want to continue it with the same type of content.  However, when it comes to my journal that is a whole different thing.  The next phase of my journal is actually a 70 page story of my life with some graphic details of my abuse.  

I think that I am just afraid to share them because it make them more real and I have to look at them again.  I know that it will be painful and difficult for others to read.  Maybe it is more that it will be painful and difficult for me. 

I started this blog to be honest with my past and who I am and my struggles.  I has been extremely helpful to me.  Do others want to know?  Do I want to know?  If I share, it will not be all at once as that would be really difficult for me and my readers.  But, I feel like I just need to get my story out there...the truth.  What do you think?


Shen said...

It has been really hard going over all the details again to blog about them. For me, it's been done in bits and pieces.
It's also been really helpful to me. Each time I tell the story, I get more of it straight in my head. Making it more "real" isn't necessarily a bad thing and I think if you are that worried about being triggered by going over it again then it is probably something you need to desensitze to, more.

That's just my opinion, of course. What the heck do I know?

I'm trying to find posts where you may have blogged about anger work you've done, but I'm having trouble locating them. Do you have a list of keywords somewhere?

I'll try to find a search box...

you have an engaging writing style.

Clueless said...

Yes, I agree with you...I just don't want to deal with the feelings or reality...but know that I need to. You know much!!

I have tags at the bottom of the page, but I didn't know what I was doing at the beginning and it is confusing to me. Thank you for the compliment on my writing.

You gave me an idea for a series of posts about working through my anger issues. Thanks.

take care Shen!!

Clueless said...

Shen, at the end of my blog, "Rage" topic would be a good place to go to. I am also going to do some posts. Again, thank you for the idea.

Angela said...

I agree with Shen about desensitizing yourself by telling your story. I find that helps in therapy also. I hope that you can find something that works for you:)

Clueless said...

Angela, Thank you for you input...I have shared what I wrote with my therapist. You are right. I think that I need to do this for me with hopes that it might help others. Thank you for your comment.

eeabee said...

Whatever is best for you. But, more selfishly speaking, I'd be interested to hear more from your journal (if it feels right to you and at the pace you need) and I do think it's helpful to read, especially the way you have the things you wrote at the time and then also the later comments with your perspective now.

Clueless said...


Thank you for your honest answer. You were not being selfish, you answered in the way I was looking for. I am going to start...I need some reality...gulp!!

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