PAST JOURNAL ENTRY ~ January 26, 2006
...And, I keep hearing her open the front door when we lived at Grandpa and Grandma's and her heels coming down the hall and seeing the door fly open and the look on her face really scared me because I'd never seen her that angry with me. I so much wanted to hide. Then, I keep seeing her hand coming toward my face and feel her her slapping me. I wanted so much to scream and to cry out in pain...it hurt so much and I remember the slap pushed me to the ground. At the time, she was yelling at me it was my fault that she was having problems with finding a job and problems with my father. It was my fault that she even had to speak with him. She wished that I never was born as I caused her so many problems. [I was probably about four years old]
Comments and Observations: At this point, we were living with my Grandparent's and aunt and uncle following the separation and subsequent divorce of my parents. The divorce was quite nasty with many police visits, restraining orders, constant screaming, and my aunt's dog being killed after my father ran over her in a rage as he left. I was probably 3-5 years old. I'm having difficulty with feeling about this other than I am telling a story to you. DEFENSE. More tomorrow.