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Thank you for visiting. Content MAY BE TRIGGERING ESPECIALLY FOR THOSE WHO HAVE EXPERIENCED ABUSE, STRUGGLE WITH SELF-INJURY, SUICIDE, DEPRESSION OR AN EATING DISORDER. Contains graphic descriptions of suicidal thoughts, self-injury and emotional, physical and sexual abuse. Do not read further if you are not in a safe place. If you are triggered, please reach out to your support system, a mental health professional or call 911.

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Disclaimer: Although I have worked with persons with mental illness for twenty years, I do not have a Master's Degree or a license. This is not meant to be a substitute for mental health care or treatment. Please obtain professional assistance from the resources listed on the right of the page, if needed. And call 911 if you or someone is in immediate danger.

A key word that you will see:

Fragmentation: a mental process where a person becomes intensely emotionally focused on one aspect of themselves, such as “I am angry” or “no one loves me,” to the point where all thoughts, feelings and behavior demonstrate this emotional state, in which, the person does not or is unable to take into account the reality of their environment, others or themselves and their resources. This is a term that my therapist and I use and is on the continuum of dissociation.

Tuesday, July 15, 2008

MY 100th POST...WOW!!!!!

Today, I have reached a milestone and I am proud of it. Since I began Clinically Clueless on 5/8/08, I have posted 99 posts, so this is officially number 100. Wow!! I can’t believe it. When I started, I really did not know what a blog was and had seen only a few. I also had never looked at a mental health or personal journal type. Well, now I feel like, even though, it has been just over two months that I’ve seen, read and written much.

I also have grown personally and it has helped my therapy process tremendously along with my Internet skills. Writing about my past, having people read and know, receiving affirmation & encouragement & support and redirection has been especially helpful. I don’t feel so alone and I feel like I can say whatever I need to…now, whether or not I want to or am read is a whole different thing. I also don't feel so alone with the the struggles I share that are going on currently.

I also feel like I’m gaining my voice back by making comments on other people’s blogs, becoming active in some of the social networking communities, becoming more outspoken, being more assertive, being edgy (stirring the pot, which is what I am like when I am not depressed), accepting and letting compliments sink in without deflecting most of the time.

I really want to thank everyone who has encouraged and supported me and even those who haven’t for that has been a learning experience and helped me to grow. Three “communities” have been influential in this process the
Experience Project, Godlinked and most importantly, GO! Smell the Flowers (GSTF). GSTF is a great place to go for a break. They have many contributors from all over the world with all sorts of different view points and backgrounds. There are several posts a day and can range from hilarious, odd, zany, serious, makes you think to I never thought of that. Check them out and get involved in their community...no one has bitten yet, but there are so many view points which can make for some heated topics. Most roses come with thorns remember. But, they have been a place where I feel I can really be myself with my opinions and all...I am becoming brave there.

I’m sorry if I don’t mention you specifically, but everyone along the last two months have been important to me in my process. However, at the very beginning there are some special bloggers that really welcomed me and helped me to feel accepted and comforted into this strange world. So, I want to say a special thank you to (in no particular order)
Catatonic Kid, Shiv’s Brain, The People Behind My Eyes, How is Bradley and Writing to Survive.

I don’t plan to go anywhere for a while. I still need this type of environment to tell my truth~my story of what has happened to me. Besides, I’m only in July of 2005 in my journal and it really takes off in, I thing February of 2006. Thanks for following the confusion of past to present to past past. I know it gets complicated, but it all is interwoven and related to my process.

The thing that I am actually most grateful for is that my blog has helped de-stigmatize mental illness, has encouraged others to open up more in therapy and on their own blogs, has helped others not to feel so alone, and are learning from my experiences. It feels good to know that I can help someone even when I’m depressed and can’t seem to do the things I want for myself. So, happy 100th post to me!! (Next milestone…one year…I have a way to go until then). Thanks again!!! :-)

21 comments:

GO! Smell the flowers said...

CONGRATULATIONS!!!!!

**APPLAUSE**

We'll be here every 100th post for ya (no pressure!) and as flowers blooms more will come to learn of your gift, your courage and for making cyberspace what it is...

WELL DONE and GO! CC GO!

Inspirational and glad we're connected....

Happy 100th
Love n light,
Jim & Em

Arvind said...

Congratulations CC for your 100th post. Keep them coming!

Love and best wishes


Arvind

Clueless said...

Thank you Jim and Em and Arvind. And, for GSTF. You guys are the best!!!!

Tamara said...

Clueless,

Kudos!!! Way to go!!! I am one of those people you have helped immensely and I appreciate and learn from every one of your posts. You already know I admire your courage but it bears saying again - I DO!

Congratulations,
Tamara

Taylor Blue said...

CONGRATULATIONS! This is only the beginning....you are great and you will even grow more. :)

Thanks for all your support at Flowers. We wouldn't be the same without you!

Clueless said...

@TaylorBlue. Thank you! And, I graciously accept your compliment (deflect, deflect, deflect...LOL!!) Thanks again.

@Tamara. Thank you. You always seem to know the right thing to say. I feel like it should be my birthday or something.

Bradley said...

Way to go on the big 100, CC! Well deserved kudos to you. I am certainly glad you are around as I am sure many, many others as well.

Big hugs.

Clueless said...

Thank you, Bradley. That was a nice warm hug. I'm glad you are around these parts too...I really appreciate your welcoming me when I arrived.

Mike French said...

Nice one - lots of people start blogs and then quickly let them die - well done for letting this one grow!

Jennifer said...

Yippee!

Isn't amazing how much good can come from a couple months of blogging? This virtual community can be pretty sweet.

I'm glad to be a part of it. Thank you.

Anonymous Drifter said...

Congrats on your 100th post!

mjgolch said...

CONGRATULATIONS !!!!! ON HITTING THIS MILESTONE!!!! I remember my 100 th posting I got a lotta people stopping by to congratulate me, I hope the same happens for you! Now for a little more celebration. I'm tossing confette and flaming walnut shells in the air for you! Hugs and blessings.That's my story and I'm sticking to it. in a couple of days I should be hitting my 400 th post ( 12 more posting to go!)

Clueless said...

@Thanks Mike. I intend to continue to let this grow and go with the flow. Thanks for visiting.

@Jennifer. Yes, very sweet and you are one of my cornerstones. Thank you!!

@Drifter. Thank you!!

dyanna said...

congrats...I hope writing out what you feel continues to help you it has been good therapy for me..thanks to you I am writing more

Clueless said...

MJG, Thank you. I can't believe that it has only been a little over two months. Congratulations on your upcoming milestone...lots of writing.

Dyanna, Thank you. Your comment about helping you makes it even more special. Take Care, Clueless

angesbiz said...

Congrats CC and well done! It's great that you can come out and share on this medium and grow in the process.

Peace

Ange

Clueless said...

AngeBiz,
Thank you that was really sweet.

Fabulous Photo Gifts said...

Hi Clinically - said i'd get here eventually and comment - congratulations on your 100th post.

Don't worry - i know my 100th post (when i realised it was) was posted, i then worried about how was i going to do that again? how would i get the material?

Luckily it was just '1st night' nerves and now on post 246 (or something like that) i've tackled everything from photo jigsaws to home scanning tips to the space shuttle to recipes for sticky toffee pudding.

Plenty of inspiration out there when you look.

Our sincerest congrats and sorry we couldn't be there for your celebrations - the oscar style video link wasn't possible as the engineer couldn't boos the signal enough and kept mumbling something about bbc detector vans - haha.

Jonathan

Clueless said...

Thank you!!! You are too funny!!

take care,
Clueless

Wandering Coyote said...

I'm glad you're finding this blogging thing so rewarding and enriching. I don't know where I'd be without it. It provides me with not only a creative outlet and a support network, but it also provides structure for my day and a focus outside of my struggle.

Did you find my blog through the Experience Project? I really should check out that site more; I know my blog is listed there, but I haven't really taken a decent look around yet. Another thing to add to my to-do list.

Clueless said...

I know what you mean about blogging. I found you by following comments that I liked on other blogs a while back, but didn't really comment on your blog until more recently.

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