I was finally able to admit that I was disappointed and that my feeling were hurt. Also, that my letter to my mother was a last ditch effort for her to respond appropriately to me. I have not had any contact with her at all. As my therapist puts it, "absolutely no maternal response."
Trying to deal with my anger, sadness, disappointment, grief, and reality with my mother and my family. Something I've been avoiding for almost 44 years. Dealing with this, my aunt going to have surgery, my health issues, the holidays, etc, has been quite overwhelming. I keep fragmenting as a defense. I am going to try to find a dermatologist today and have my monthly infusion treatment tomorrow.
I know that I've been away from my original format of writing from my past journals and then commenting on them. Do you want me to go back to that and along with current stuff?