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A key word that you will see:

Fragmentation: a mental process where a person becomes intensely emotionally focused on one aspect of themselves, such as “I am angry” or “no one loves me,” to the point where all thoughts, feelings and behavior demonstrate this emotional state, in which, the person does not or is unable to take into account the reality of their environment, others or themselves and their resources. This is a term that my therapist and I use and is on the continuum of dissociation.

Monday, April 20, 2009

Still Learning to "BE" ~ Healing Journey

Still Learning to "BE" ~ Healing Journey
Accepting how scared and angry,
I was at being in the hospital for pneumonia
Is something I could not face.

Flashbacks and nightmares increasing
as the month went by all because
feeling out of control and helpless
it was something I could not embrace.

I’ve already talked enough about it,
the details and even wrote a letter.
But, I continued not to feel emotionally any better.

I lived in fantasy world with everything
twisted, just to survive.
Now, to live there continues to deprive.

This I learned to slowly die as my way of being
To “be” is what I need to do and
fight back the lies I’m slowly seeing.

The lies that tell me “Don’t talk,“
“I’m okay,” “I don’t need anyone” and “I’ll be just fine.”
The constant banter in my head is not benign.

Those and other lies lead to
self-injury and other self-destructive ways
For this therapy sometimes feels like a maze.

Therapy has saved and opened my life to who I really am
Someone that deserved much more than I received
And, too often instead I was betrayed and deceived.

Now, into the Father’s arms I securely belong
In Him and others, I finally find security and comfort
But, learning to do that for myself takes much effort.

3 comments:

Just Be Real said...

Precious one, so glad t. has helped in your journey.
((((safe hugs))))

Melinda said...

That's a wonderful poem, CC! I believe you did write it didn't you? Just a lovely job and it sounds as though you are surrendering to your higher power, which can give us a lot of comfort during our times of need.

I'm just stopping by to say hi and give a quick ((((hug)))). I've been meaning to come by this week but the BAT made an appearance, throwing my life into a complete tizzy this past week! YIKES!

Melinda

SHOOBIE HUNTER said...

I FEEL YOUR PAIN AND VICTORY...STAY STRONG...

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