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A key word that you will see:

Fragmentation: a mental process where a person becomes intensely emotionally focused on one aspect of themselves, such as “I am angry” or “no one loves me,” to the point where all thoughts, feelings and behavior demonstrate this emotional state, in which, the person does not or is unable to take into account the reality of their environment, others or themselves and their resources. This is a term that my therapist and I use and is on the continuum of dissociation.

Tuesday, February 17, 2009

Hospitalization ~ The Good, the Bad, & the Ugly!!

I was released from a psychiatric hospital today, on Wednesday (2/11/09), just in time for a Valentine's Day with my husband. I was treated for Severe Major Depression, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder and Anxiety Disorder. Wow, I was there for 24 days! It was worth it! I am worth it.

What do a perfectionist, care-taker, an attorney, an attorney turned Chaplin, a woman who lost her husband recently, a writer, an artist/singer/actor, an actor, a college student, a single mother, the woman who recently almost succeeded an attempted suicide, a man who self-injured and thought of suicide all the time, a construction worker, a man who by no fault of his own is homeless, a nurse, an elementary school teacher, a Desert Storm Veteran and 86 year old man, a man with constant pain due to his back have in common?

All were fellow patients. All with some type of mental illness such as depression, bipolar, schizophrenia, dissociative identity disorder, panic disorder, post-traumatic stress and more. Some with a dual diagnosis meaning alcohol or substance abuse with a mental illness diagnosis.

I am doing better and am trying to get my bearings back regarding being at home. The accomodations were a cross of dorm life and motel living. I am enjoying using my own shower, eating my own food, sleeping in my own bed and just being with my husband. I love having coffee. The coffee was horrendous and this Peet’s woman was used to having it available by 5 am and not 7:30 am. Major withdrawals!!!!

I will not miss the food, the 1/2 check around the clock, the shower, the food, the sleazy guy, the guy with no sense of boundaries, the guy who thought he was the center of the universe, the loud woman, the strange woman, the angry woman, the overhead announcements, the constant noise, constant talking or the constant cigarette smoke.

However, I do miss the staff and some of the people in which I connected. Some I will try and stay in contact. I miss being able to talk at any hour of the day or night. I also miss the "safety" of being in the hospital. I am very glad that I decided to go into the hospital as I feel better and I am ready to tackle the next level of my journey in healing...I am beginning to see the light, ever so faintly. At least that is what I hope it is and not an on coming train!!!


Ana said...

It's good to know that you met nice people and was treated well.
I understand the "safety" in hospital especially if you were not treated bad.
But I know that you can take care of yourself. You have you therapist, your husband and a little help from your virtual friends.
Welcome back to the "world" not a very nice and safe place to all of us.
But there are nice people. Too many nice people.
Be at peace.

Mike Golch said...

glad the stay helped you.the times I was in helped me as well.

Laura said...

Nice to have you back CC. I'm glad that you can look at your hospitalization as a positive experience.

Jane Doe said...

I'm glad that you are doing better and that your hospitalization was a positive experience. I struggle with bipolar and have been hospitalized a few times so I can relate.

Wandering Coyote said...

Ah, how perfectly you capture the typical psych ward experience - a zoo! Glad you're feeling better, and yes, you are worth it!

J said...

CC, i'm so happy to see you back! i'm glad that you found your experience to be beneficial. I'm glad your in your home and doing better. Take care.

Dr. Deb said...

So glad that you found the time safe and helpful.

jeff said...

Yea! I'm so happy to see you back and writing. And unexpectedly, teary over everyone's comments. It seems we are a bit of a family. It's an adopted thing, we tend to make families easily. So God bless everyone and you especially. Keep getting better CC. want to say love you in a sister kind of way. Great to have you back.

Immi said...

Glad it was a good stay for you CC. That's when it works. I hope you're feeling better too. *sending hugs your way*

Tempy said...

You ARE worth it and I am proud of you

Anonymous said...

I'm glad it was a positive experience though I'm sure it's good to be back too. I'm glad to have you back and admire you for being able to do this for yourself--it's such a courageous thing.

j said...

CC -- It sounds like being there was a good thing for you (and I read your most recent summary, too: regular sleep is so important and I'm glad you're getting it).

My father has been hospitalized before, for various clinical trials (I think the longest was for ECT). The variety of people he has met through his various depression treatments makes me think of your list of fellow travelers, people from all walks of life.

Anyway, welcome back. I've said it before and I'm saying it again! :)

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