Your mother, father, daughter, brother, neighbor, friend or colleague all could have an eating disorder. You might never know it and be unaware of the turmoil that follows every day throughout the day. On the
outside, he/she may be normal weight or slightly overweight, seem successful, happy and have an enviable life. But, looks can be deceiving. Watch this video for some basic statistics. (Please, if you have an eating disorder there are images that may be triggering, so make sure that you are safe!


Eating disorders are mental illnesses. They are generally defined as a broad range of disorder where preoccupation with food and/or weight takes primary focus in ones life that they can hardly focus on anything else. They become obsessed about food, weight and body shape.

Anorexia Nervosa is basically starving yourself, keeping yourself below 15% of your normal weight and they may exercise excessively. Body weight is of thin appearance. Emotional and behavioral symptoms include refusal to eat, denial of hunger, lack of emotion,
difficulty concentrating, skipping meals, having “safe” foods, food rituals (cutting into tiny pieces), elaborate cooking for others, repeated weighting, distorted body image, hoarding food, wearing baggy or layered clothing, complaining about being fat and depression or anxiety.

Bulimia Nervosa is eating large quantities of high calorie foods sometimes for hours and






However during my recent psychiatric hospitalization my diagnosis became, once again, a point of contention. Although I tend toward anorexia, I am not diagnosable as such, but my therapist really pushed the point. He basically said that he didn't care what the DSM said, but that I have anorexia. I made a feeble attempt at saying that my weight was normal and maybe a little overweight. Then, I just had to laugh because I know that has nothing to do with it because my thought patterns and behavior are the same. Also, if it weren't for the medications, I would be underweight.

Somewhere, I read, that “it is a desperate attempt at making sense of the world.” Well, in the world of chaos and abuse I grew up in, I really was set up for an eating disorder. It is also my way of handling my anger of not being able to self-nurture or feeling in control of events and intense feels that occur. It is the first thing that I run to when I am under emotional stress. I hate the feeling of being full and love the feeling of being hungry and overcoming it.
It makes me feel in control, but control really is an illusion. It is secretive and mine. No one else can stop me, so I am in control. Recently, I just barely began to speak about my eating disorder rather talk around it which is, in part, why I decided to write this post.
However, it has been painful to write and especially painful to find a video because it triggers me. In looking at the pictures and videos, I feel fat, hate how I look and want to lose weight even more. My sense of reality becomes distorted. What I think I look like is not reality. The scale is my best friend and worst enemy. If the numbers are lower then I feel good for a brief moment and then I wish it were lower. At one point I was weighing myself 4-5 times per day. My self-esteem goes up and down with the numbers on the scale. But, no number would be lower enough.
I absolutely hate people talking behind my back instead of to me or comments that like “I wish I had an eating disorder, so I could be as thin as you.” It is painful and makes me realize how hard it is to give it up. It isn’t a glamorous thing. It is an illness.
It isn’t about self-control, it is about lack of it. It is a tough thing to overcome, but I know that there is hope and healing. But it is tough, painful work. It also requires giving up one of my best friends, “control.” My distorted thinking still thinks that I am in control as does my deep denial. It was quite therapeutic writing this post, so thank you!! :-) This was a good experience. I hope this post helps you or someone that you love.
Eating disorders are extremely complicated and there is much more information available. For more details and for help for yourself or someone else, please visit the following sites:

National Institute on Mental Health
National Library of Medicine at the National Institutes of Health
Mayo Clinic.com
The Eating Disorder Foundation
In your comments, I do ask that you do not mention numbers, in terms of weight, as that is a trigger for those who have eating disorders that can set off an episode.
4 comments:
having survived a severe bout of bullimia and ending in anorexia i still struggle with people commenting on our weight and want to scream hey because of opnioins like yours i l nearly died by starving myself to death. Great blog and good to see you back blogging
this is my first visit here and i loved this post. thank you so much. i found this post by doing a google search for images related to compulsive eating, for a post i wrote today. i'll link back to your blog to let people know about where i got it. thank you for sharing!
whoops, i just noticed your notice at the top of your page saying people can't use the images on your blog without permission. i was going to copy one of the images i liked from this post and link back to your blog on mine, but i won't do that without your permission. thanks~
Thank you Katie. I'm glad that you liked the post. You can, of course, use images as long as you link back to my blog.
Take care,
CC
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