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A key word that you will see:

Fragmentation: a mental process where a person becomes intensely emotionally focused on one aspect of themselves, such as “I am angry” or “no one loves me,” to the point where all thoughts, feelings and behavior demonstrate this emotional state, in which, the person does not or is unable to take into account the reality of their environment, others or themselves and their resources. This is a term that my therapist and I use and is on the continuum of dissociation.

Thursday, June 9, 2011

Pushing Myself Too Hard

Well, yesterday my therapist and I spent the whole 90 minutes talking about my health and not taking care of myself. We spoke on the telephone and he was "in my face." (in a good way...I deserved it).

We had a telephone session beause I wan't feeling well. I was achy, tired and had a deeper cough. Which means that I've been doing too much and I got a little worse. Well, that's part of the trouble. On Monday, I was out of the house from 10-4 and Tuesday from 10-2. Way too much. I should have only run one errand then them all.

But, no I have to go and be stubborn. I'm finding out that I feel "bad" because I think that I should be doing somethings as I feel a bit better. So, I do more than I should be including organizing my clothes and such as a way not to feel "bad" and "worthless."

I'm in sort of a denial about pneumonia being potentially serious and that I've already been hospitalized in the past with it. I also able to be more mobile without needing the crutches. My therapist has instructed my husband to take them away if I reinjure my ankle, so that I won't go anywhere.

Basically, I know that I need rest and to do nothing.


Interruption said...

Okay...not going to lecture, but you do need to take care of yourself. Pneumonia IS A POTENTIALLY SERIOUS ILLNESS. SO....???? No more lecture...just hope that you start to feel better soon and get plenty of rest. If you can, try not to over do it!
Take care.

Shen said...

I also struggle with self-care, and then I feel angry when I'm called on it. It sounds like you at least are looking at it. That's good work. Awareness is always the first step.

Sharon Rose said...

Ah, yes. Rest and doing nothing. It is much easier said than done.

You can do it! Hang in there!

Clueless said...

@Interruption. Thanks for the concern and lecture...I deserve that.

@shen. Awareness...ah, the biggest stumbling block. How can you change something that you are not aware of.

@Pastor Sharon. I sure do like that you have been following my blog and leaving comments. It is funny how you encouraged me to hang in there just to rest. Sillier, is that I need it.

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