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A key word that you will see:
Fragmentation: a mental process where a person becomes intensely emotionally focused on one aspect of themselves, such as “I am angry” or “no one loves me,” to the point where all thoughts, feelings and behavior demonstrate this emotional state, in which, the person does not or is unable to take into account the reality of their environment, others or themselves and their resources. This is a term that my therapist and I use and is on the continuum of dissociation.
Sorry, but I know that I haven't been around the blogsphere lately. Lots to write about later, but what is on my mind today is depression. I've always known that depression is a defense/coping mechanism, but I've gained a new perspective about this. A defense mechanism is something that takes you out of accepting reality and your feelings.
Therefore, depression is the same...it is great in helping me to accept my reality and feelings. Due to my past, it makes more sense why I've been depressed my whole life. I've never wanted/couldn't deal with reality and I certainly would have been overwhelmed by it all. However, as an adult, it doesn't serve me well and makes life more painful and difficult. I don't face reality easily or feel my feelings. It seems like somewhere I made a vow not to do any of these things. I developed a fantasy world to cope which as a child was necessary to get though my abusive adults. I still like my fantasy world better; however, it isn't real...no pixe dust!!
4 comments:
I don't like dealing with realality as well.Big Time Hug.
I can really relate to what you wrote here. When I would try to encourage my partner to get better, she'd tell me that if she recovers, she'll have to deal with life as it is, and her inner ugliness as it is, so it's better to stay depressed. Of course this kind of thinking doesn't make sense, since the depression is a burden which creates and empowers the self-hating thoughts, but it made sense to her.
One let me say I am sorry you are struggling right now. Two I can so relate to what you wrote. I wish there was something that could take away an abusive past and help us cope with the world today.
Mike, Yes! Thanks for the hug!!
Leah, I understand your partner's point of view. My inner view of myself is that I am worthless and defective...to face that and the pain is extremely difficult. Depression is easier because you don't feel the pain, but you really don't feel at all. I hope that makes sense to you.
Wanda, Thank you for your support and encouragement. Yes, I too wish that there was a way take away the past. I've tried, but a cost. *hugs*
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