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A key word that you will see:

Fragmentation: a mental process where a person becomes intensely emotionally focused on one aspect of themselves, such as “I am angry” or “no one loves me,” to the point where all thoughts, feelings and behavior demonstrate this emotional state, in which, the person does not or is unable to take into account the reality of their environment, others or themselves and their resources. This is a term that my therapist and I use and is on the continuum of dissociation.

Monday, December 27, 2010

Christmas High and Low Points

Basically, I had a wonderful quiet time with my husband.  We picked up food the day before and had salmon with gazpacho salsa, herb-roasted potatoes and sauteed french green beans ending with chocolate lava cake and vanilla ice cream...yummy!!!  He also gave me lots of surprises...He made Christmas wonderful.

Oh and a great friend of mine along with her family brought over a bunch of handmade tamales...yummy!!! Soooo, good to have them homemade. Food heaven on Christmas!!

My uncle called in the morning to wish both of us a Merry Christmas.  I am really glad that he called. I had no other contact from any other family which was to be expected. Hey, it is more contact than I had for my birthday.  Oh, all of my uncle's family including his kids sent cards and emails.

We did not go to visit with my family due to my health issues.  Actually, I haven't been doing very well due to the weather and trying to do too much.  My doctor added a nebulizer treatment again and an additional inhaler.  Sigh.  I also have infusion treatment on tomorrow.

Anyway, I tried not to let my aunt (Arleen) and her partner (Judy) get to me and to just say that it is their problem, but I couldn't stay in that mode. For backgroud click this link.  Note that some of it has nothing to do with Arleen and Judy, so skip those posts.

Our family has become big enough for us to begin just drawing names which was completed by my uncle and his family.  Ironically, Arleen got me and Judy got Adrian.  We received one gift certificate for $25.00 to Wal-mart which seemed to be addressed to me from Arleen.  Judy has previously made it clear (see links) that she does not want anything to do with me..."she has no use for me."  If it was not meant to be just for me than my husband and I have it to share.  I don't care about the gift as much as it is definitely a statement about how they feel about us.

Last year, Judy complained on end about making a minimum limit as it was not equitable for everyone additionally Judy and Arleen both have teased me in the past that I won't go near let alone into a Wal-mart because it drives me crazy.  My likes and dislikes for gifts are quite clear.  Judy also has complained on end over the years about only wanting a Barnes and Noble gift card and nothing else, but does not recieve it. 

As a result of the past conversations and given what has happened between them and me, I really think it was a personal statement to "slap" me in the face.  I was a bit angry and wanted to send off some nasty emails, but didn't. Adrian did send a thank you email with the assumption that the card was meant to be for both of us.

I am hurt that Arleen and Judy continue to completely see us as all "bad." (borderline personality trait).  But, I feel more sadness and disappointment that they are so sick to do this, keep it up for so long, continue to see that I have a problem and am responsible for the break in the relationship and that I, again, am pushed away by them.  My husband is okay with not receiving a gift.  He is more concerned about me and expresses the same feelings and thoughts.

Next week, I think that I can start posting about what has been going on in therapy and with my husband.  It is quite difficult for me to write about it, but I feel that I need to share.  As always, thanks for listening.

I also didn't get to post some other Christmas songs that I really wanted to, so they will be posted until Wednesday...these ones are different that the traditional ones!!!  Wednesday is really funny to me!!

Oh thank you to everyone who wished me a Merry Christmas...it helped my day.  And, her is a late Happy Holidays to everyone!!!


Wanda's Wings said...

Christmas can sure bring those up and downs. I was all over the emotional board this Christmas. I had to do all the calling and wishing my family a Merry Christmas with the exception of my baby brother. He gets called the "emo" one in our family, but I think it is nice. Hold on to the good moments and try to enjoy them.

Sairs said...

I'm sorry you had to deal with people that were being spiteful over Christmas. I know that it can be a difficult time of the year but still, that's not fair. I hope you're okay and are feeling a little bit better about it all. Thinking of you!

Anonymous said...

I'm so glad your husband made your Christmas wonderful. It sounds like you've got a really good guy there.

I'm sorry about all of the drama with your aunt and her partner. They don't sound considerate at all-- I mean, intentionally buying you gifts you don't like? That's just silly.

I look forward to reading your upcoming posts. As always, I am listening.

Wishing you well,

Clueless said...

Wanda, Yep there is always an IP (identified patient in the family). Oh, I am thoroughly enjoying my husband's time off. I pray that you have/had support during this difficult time of the year.

Sairs, I'm doing better, but it still stings.Thank you for the hugs.

NOS, you are so faithful and I really am thankful for your support. Yes, I have a great guy!!! But, family drama continues and it is had to separate things out. The gift thing also brings me back to what my mother and step-father did to me with gifts and teasing.

Thank you for listening and hopefully, I'll have the courage to write personally next week.

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