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Thank you for visiting. Content MAY BE TRIGGERING ESPECIALLY FOR THOSE WHO HAVE EXPERIENCED ABUSE, STRUGGLE WITH SELF-INJURY, SUICIDE, DEPRESSION OR AN EATING DISORDER. Contains graphic descriptions of suicidal thoughts, self-injury and emotional, physical and sexual abuse. Do not read further if you are not in a safe place. If you are triggered, please reach out to your support system, a mental health professional or call 911.

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Disclaimer: Although I have worked with persons with mental illness for twenty years, I do not have a Master's Degree or a license. This is not meant to be a substitute for mental health care or treatment. Please obtain professional assistance from the resources listed on the right of the page, if needed. And call 911 if you or someone is in immediate danger.

A key word that you will see:

Fragmentation: a mental process where a person becomes intensely emotionally focused on one aspect of themselves, such as “I am angry” or “no one loves me,” to the point where all thoughts, feelings and behavior demonstrate this emotional state, in which, the person does not or is unable to take into account the reality of their environment, others or themselves and their resources. This is a term that my therapist and I use and is on the continuum of dissociation.

Wednesday, April 28, 2010

Overwhelmed Again

I don't even know how to start this, but I have been really overwhelmed by therapy and things going on in my family.  I don't have the energy to even write about it now.  I do plan to by next week depending on how I feel.  I really wanted to cover a different aspects of the Borderline Personality, for awareness week.  However, I don't have it in me...maybe, later in the year.  It doesn't have to be on the week of. 

My therapist gave me an assignment yesterday where I was supposed to do things that I liked and to take care of myself.  So, I tried to find bras at Victoria Secret without sucess.  Funny, I used to find difficulty because I was too small, now it is because I am to big.  Someone later congratulated me on my pregnancy...I'm fat, not pregnant. 

I window shopped and chatted with the ladies at Nordstrom, purchased chocolates at Godiva, ordered bras and such on line, surfed the Internet, took a nap, at dinner, and cuddled with my husband.  My husband saw my therapist last night as scheduled and came home telling me that the whole day is about me and taking care of me.

It has been tough enough that by Tuesday evening I had had three hours of therapy.  I am so overwhelmed and starting to go above my baseline of suicidal and cutting thoughts.  My goal is not to be hospitalized ever again.

More again later.... 

3 comments:

myneuroticpulse said...

For what it's worth, I'm thinking of you. I have been reading your blog a lot lately and it has really opened my eyes to a lot of things.
I'm sorry to hear that you have been feeling overwhelmed and I hope the feeling passes soon.
As for your piece on Borderline, I look forward to reading it, even if it takes a while :)

Clueless said...

Thank you and for commenting on my blog. I know people are out there, but I don't often know who. I'm glad that my blog has been helpful.

If you want to take a look at last year's Borderline series click on the Borderline Stigma picture on my left sidebar. This year, I want to go into more specifics. I'm looking forward to writing it too.

I am feeling better. Thanks.

Clueless said...

I need to go take a look at your blog.

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