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A key word that you will see:
Fragmentation: a mental process where a person becomes intensely emotionally focused on one aspect of themselves, such as “I am angry” or “no one loves me,” to the point where all thoughts, feelings and behavior demonstrate this emotional state, in which, the person does not or is unable to take into account the reality of their environment, others or themselves and their resources. This is a term that my therapist and I use and is on the continuum of dissociation.
Last week, I was mostly MIA as I had a very difficult week. My therapist and I talked about my eating disorder, so I was exhausted and quite preoccupied. Power struggles and all.
One thing that caught us both off guard is how intense my need to control and rage are. The session where this came up was quite contentious. The next day we were able to discuss it. Dealing with this is needs to go much slower than I want and expected. I am keeping an eating log. I'm surprise by how much I eat and how much I don't. Neither is very good.
Yesterday's session was also quite difficult as he is backing off and only discussing it if I bring it up. He wants me to take initiative to show him that I really want to get better. It puts the responsibility on me, helps to avoid power struggles and if I really want to get better. I have mixed feelings about this. He also keeps saying that "people are going to do what they want to do." So, I will see how much I really want to get better.
1 comments:
I think your therapist is absolutely right. People do what they want to do - and what they choose to do. I have always said I want to lose weight, but I am not choosing to. If I made the choice to lose weight and get my eating disorder under control, then I would be able to do it without there being a power struggle at all - I would choose... to make the necessary changes and stick with them. The problem is that I am, obviously, not ready to make that choice yet. I keep saying I want to, but I am not doing it. Changing bad eating habits (and any other habit) is about making a choice to eat or not, and what to eat, every moment of the day. That means, I WANT the cookie, but I CHOOSE to not eat it because it is not healthy and I don't need it. That is my two cents worth - and I SOOO need to take my own advice...
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