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Thank you for visiting. Content MAY BE TRIGGERING ESPECIALLY FOR THOSE WHO HAVE EXPERIENCED ABUSE, STRUGGLE WITH SELF-INJURY, SUICIDE, DEPRESSION OR AN EATING DISORDER. Contains graphic descriptions of suicidal thoughts, self-injury and emotional, physical and sexual abuse. Do not read further if you are not in a safe place. If you are triggered, please reach out to your support system, a mental health professional or call 911.
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A key word that you will see:
Fragmentation: a mental process where a person becomes intensely emotionally focused on one aspect of themselves, such as “I am angry” or “no one loves me,” to the point where all thoughts, feelings and behavior demonstrate this emotional state, in which, the person does not or is unable to take into account the reality of their environment, others or themselves and their resources. This is a term that my therapist and I use and is on the continuum of dissociation.
My mother continued...
I've also have been trying to grasp the concept that she is not going to change. I can't seem to let go of the little hope that I have that will get her to pay attention to me. Well, I gone round and round with this issue. I've discovered that my ambivalence about not having contack and have her pay attention to me has to do with me. I'm projecting my ambivalence about me onto her, at least most of it. I need to find grounding in who I am and be able to speak up. I need to stop going into suicidal thoughts which are defences regarding dealing with myself. Ugh...I have to deal with myself before I can really deal with my mother...it is about me...sigh!!
4 comments:
Therapy can be so painful. It such hard work. Fixing "us" is hard. Our parents did play a big role in who we became, but it is still all about us in the end. Keeping safe is the most important part of taking care of number one.
Yes, therapy is hard work. The part that is difficult is that they are the reason that we are this way, but we are reponsible for changing what we do and think.
Praying for you today...
Praying for you today....
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