Clinically Clueless: What is Safety?

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A key word that you will see:

Fragmentation: a mental process where a person becomes intensely emotionally focused on one aspect of themselves, such as “I am angry” or “no one loves me,” to the point where all thoughts, feelings and behavior demonstrate this emotional state, in which, the person does not or is unable to take into account the reality of their environment, others or themselves and their resources. This is a term that my therapist and I use and is on the continuum of dissociation.

Monday, May 9, 2011

What is Safety?

Paul over at Mind Parts has been doing a series entitled, Expressive Arts. It is fabulous and thought provoking. Every month each person shares in their own way the topic for the month. April was "safety." This was one of the most challenging. Please go take a look. It really is amazing. Anyone can participate. The following was my submission for April:

Safety...what a vast topic, but safety within is difficult to achieve when one has been abused.

My sense of safety was broken
By the hands that were supposed to teach me to be open

To others and myself I built numerous walls and defenses
Of the real me only I let other and I see glimpses

The world to me all seems threatening and a place to fear
Everything begins to seem unclear

So many parts of me escaping reality
Escaping into myself I vow to be

I will go underground where no one will find me
The real me inside aching for someone to see

They have seen too much I feel threatened
Push away as I tell myself to always approach with caution

I don't really want to know who I am
As I am ashamed and I don't give a damn

A world of lies and distorted truth I learned to live
Now, I need to learn to live in reality and not be so passive

For I am not small and childlike compared to the world
I am just as large and want to be seen and heard

However, my first instinct is to hide
For my safety lays in deep inside

No one, not even me will ever see
My plea to just be

A false sense of safety is what I need to take down
At times, this makes me feel like I'm headed for a breakdown

Safety always comes from a sense of self and worth
And not from things and others even the one who gave you birth

Safety it not around me
For it is something within

Safety does not equal control
Although I keep trying to make it so

Control is an illusion and it doesn't work
It never makes you safe in reality

ClinicallyClueless wrote: "Ironically, safety is an issue that I have actually been talking about in therapy and how my defenses keep others out and even myself from facing reality. However, it keeps both 'good' and 'bad' out of reach. I have difficulty with relationships, letting others near, forming attachments, keep living in my world or should and must, live in a world of self hatred and self judgment. All it was once a way to cope now it is problematic as an adult. In keeping reality and these feelings at bay, I also have difficulty feeling love, happiness, accepting reality and moving on to just being able to be me."